I told a good friend recently to stay off his bum knee and that means a lot less dancing mister!  I wagged my finger in the air at him.  He couldn’t see me but he knew. Now I am a pretty classic dancer.  I have been compared to Steve Erkel and Pee Wee Herman, I have been compared to Peewee herman in other ways but usually when it comes to movie theatre behavior.  AHHH! PENIS TOUCHING!

I don’t have any video of myself dancing because I don’t want all that fan mail that will come from all those honeys that will want some of my sugar.  Do people still send fan mail you ask?  Well I sure hope so, how else am I going to send Oprah all of those love letters?  You can’t tweet, Hey Yo OOOps I want you so bad right now!


Tears of overflowing Joy, Oprah reads another one of my sexual intoxication letters.

Sexual Intoxication Letters? You’ve read my writing before, don’t tell me you don’t get it.  After you read my words it makes your brain drunk with over sensation and then you vomit.  It is a lot like real drunk but the hangovers are way more shameful.  Holding the toilet yelling with your fists the in air, “damn you _______ and your elegant style”!  Then projectile vomit, that is filled with cheri-os and shampoo.  Maybe its not my writing but instead the fact that you’ve been eating shampoo again.  Wasn’t this post supposed to be about dancing?  Yea I guess. But you can’t always get what you want.

You know what I want.  More Shampoo.  But somebody had to eat it.  Thanks.

I think that is enough.

Maybe someday I will actually talk about what I set out to talk about.  Like the link between global warming and my hot as shit dance moves.  But that will take a lot of research and papers to get to the bottom of.  I will get Bill Nye on that right away.  Hell he isn’t locked naked in my basement for nothing.

See ya.







  1. I’ve always thought there was a connection between “hot as shit dancing” and “global warming” … shampoo and puking not so much.

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