2010: A year that was. A story of life and death. A story of why I rule. Exclamation points. !!!!
The title was really an attention grabber wasn’t it? You’re like how can this dumb fucking idiot really claim to rule when he didn’t really write words for months and only occasionally rubbed our balls with his prose occasionally for say… half of the fucking year. You’re right. Or your right, if it is in fact yours…which it might be. But if it is can I borrow it? I am usually wrong so some right would be sweet. Like chocolate chip pancakes.
When was the last time you had chocolate chip pancakes? If your (or you’re) me the answer is right now. It is a wonderful antioxidant. Acai has nothing on flapjacks. mmmmmmmm. Have you ever rubbed pancakes on your face because they are warm? Clears acne, reduces stress, smells like pancakes, warms the loins, steals some kisses, messages your (you’re????) temples, lowers your age and reduces crows feet, smells like pancakes, stops 4 hour boners, silks your hair, wins the superbowl, flies a jet, ghost rides your whip and smells like pancakes.
I think it’s time for some music.
That song really makes me nod my head.
This year was crazy! I don’t myself know what happened because I don’t in fact know how to read and hence, and hence! no news reading due to the hencing. So i just get news from barbers.
Barber news – my hair is brittle and reminds him of the hair on a horses nose. (what?!) Don’t know what that is? I got your back.
Other sources of news. Supposedly some black tar like oil substance spilled in the Gulf of Mexico. Which is weird because although I had plenty of rhea this year, I never took any shits in the Gulf of Mexico. So I am not sure how much of that I believe.
I had a police officer tell me that I can’t make left turns at places that say no left turns. I mean come on victimless crime! I had just bought dinner and was on my way home. You can only make so many legal turns! I didn’t want my food to get cold. Jeez cops just don’t understand.
Jail Weddings –
you’re gonna need some pancakes for the 4 hour boner that song will cause. If you r a girl 2 questions… Both of them revolve around your penis and the second is curious about your identity crisis. That was poor use of the word “curious” on my part.
Tim Tebow saved the world apparently. If you live in Colorado you would swear jesus just suited up and turned water into touchdowns and underwear ads. I bet jesus has pretty solid abs. I mean he’d have to right? With all those fist fights with the devil he’d need to be fit? I think so.
Janet Jackson is still irrelevant
I didn’t win powerball. How would you know? I would own the New York Times and they would only run my blog and ziggy comics.
Nick Cage made 14 more movies. Oliver Stone tried to convince me that money doesn’t sleep by putting me to sleep.
I failed again in my attempts to find a yeti. I found a sasquatch but whatever. And the stupid bigfoot that lives next year won’t stop trying to convince me that he is actually a yeti. Not buying it jerk so stop selling it!
Peanut Butter is still good. Katie Couric still won’t report on my daily lunches. (popcorn and reeces pieces just in case she changes her mind today)
That pretty much covers it. Boring year for news. We need to try harder next year.
Get Busy Committee –
I just hit the lotto and bought me a camry.
So 2010 a year. Just like the rest. 2011 same stuff different suffix. I bet you 1 thing though, 2011 will result in finding that damn yeti. Baltimore, just a hunch. Or that is what the yeti wants me to think. Fucking yeti went to yale. Always 1 step ahead of me.
Have a great 2011. I will. Taco sandwiches.
Taco Sandwiches? Exactly what they sound like.