Ants are like the me of the bug world.  They can lift 400x their body weight. I am super swole.  You ever hear about those ladies who pick up cars to save babies.  Those were actually all me.  I have this thing where I love putting babies under cars and then saving them.  I call it baby under car.  I don’t like a lot of attention so I grab the nearest lady and raise her arm and yell.  “News people, this lady did that!” She goes, as most women do, “Don’t touch me, weirdo!” Then I open a man hole (not sexually, don’t even go there! ) and drop down and run away through the sewers.

You know a good way to escape?  Sewers and man holes.  You can easily get away from anything.  You only have to watch out for C.H.U.Ds


C.H.U.D. The scariest part of sewer escapes. Unless you have a mini. And a bazooka. The C.H.U.D is not immune to missile projectiles and cannot outrun a mini. Those things are zippy!

You should take some time out of your next day to grab a magnifying glass and an ant.  They are abundant and they are probably in your cupboards right now eating your cereal.  Thats where I get mine.  They just love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.  ME TOO!

Look at them; armored plated, chainsaw faces.  They can eat wood! Leaves! spiders! I am sure there is nothing they can’t eat.  No! I take that back…Fire….They can’t eat fire.  I used my magnifying glass to feed my ants some fire and they exploded.  JOKE WARNING: PROBABLY FROM HEART BURN! ZING!

But on a serious note they died. We held a lovely ceremony in a park.  I sang Ave Maria.  The butterflies came, the caterpillar got way to drunk and the moth flew into a bug zapper.  We had to have two funerals that day.  It was rough.  Give me second.  It is still a fresh wound….

Okay, I am back how awesome are ants teeth!

I've been trying to get the plastic surgeon to do this to my face for years. Apparently this technology isn't available yet. So I got a sweet pair of huge boobs.

So if you can’t make your face ant like you might as well tattoo ants all over your face…right…I guess…

You know the ants look normal next to the push pins in my face.

I am starting to think I have more in common with ants than I do with humans.  Which would explain my obsession with the comic ant man. Cause no other humans like that.  Do ants have a comic Human Man?


Candy with Ants on it

Holy shit. I am going to be come an ant dentist. CHA CHING.




saw this guy live last night for the first time. Definitely not the last.  This guy is an entertainer and his music is awesome

He literally makes musical love to the keyboard.  Words can’t explain.





watch out for C.H.U.Ds.


2 Responses to “BUG AWESOMENESS: ANTS!”

  1. That guy thinks he got spiders tattooed on his face.

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