SEE THROUGH SEA MONSTER AWESOMENESS: JELLYFISH!

Hey Jellyfish, I like your style.  That is what I would say if I ever met a jellyfish in any other venue than a library.  You need to be quiet in libraries, so yelling, HEY JELLYFISH! I LIKE YOUR STYLE! is gonna get me a quick and swift, kick in the nads, by a jelly fish tentacle.  Which is poisonous so my nads melted.  Little known fact, jellys are avid readers.  Lots of Kurt Vonnegut and Dan Brown.  I am kidding, nobody reads Kurt Vonnegut.  Jellyfish are cool cause they are see through. I like things I can see through and that are poisonous.  They are like, hey swimmer… don’t worry about me… You can’t see me, so it’s okay.  Only sharks suck cause you can see them and their teeth… they have scary teeth.  Since you can’t see me it’s okay… I am harmless.  ZAP! your dead.  Just like that.

I am pretty sure that this Jellyfish is tripping so much E. How do I know??? He is clearly at a rave...duh.

I have to stop this post! I have to warn that turtle, that is dumb, to stop what it is doing!  Nobody told that turtle that Jellyfish cannot actually be rubbed on bread and eaten with peanut butter!  They so sour!  Nature is full of shit.  Turtles are too cute to die horrible, acidy tentacle in the face deaths.

Holy crap, Yertle is dumb as shit.

Wait, Bill Nye just called me.

Play Voicemail

“Hey Dude, some turtles can eat some Jellyfish you stupid jackass… are we still on for canasta later, love bill”

Me (jump fist pump) —-why? Turtle is okay, canasta with the masta of science.  My night is set.

I guess Bill Nye was full of shit. He never showed up for Canasta.

Ahhh thanks for reading. I hope yall come back soon now!

Your back? Get a hobby. I don’t know what, dancing?

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Awesome Song of The Day #132

NEON INDIAN / REMIX BY BRAHMS

if you don’t know either of those groups.  Go learn stuff.

TOILET AWESOMENESS: MY DIAMOND TOILET!

My lover decided it was time to take our relationship to the next level.  This individual knows about my love for eating and any love for eating results in a inevitable flushing of the system.  So this human bought me a new toilet. My old toilet… porcelain.  Boring but effective.  The detlef schrempf of crappers.  We had a lot of memories.  A lot of scares, laughs and cries.  We go way back.  Used to get my portable DVD player and watch Predator on it, it needed me there to help it through the scary parts!

Me – Hey toilet! Remember that time I had a footlong subway sandwich, 12 PBR’s and some CRD’s?.

Toilet – Ha hell yea, I was clogged for weeks!

Me – Yup, I am awesome.

Ohh we had some good times.  My first memory was that toilet.

I was born, my parents forgot to buy me clothes, but I sure had one bad ass room. No bed... just a shitter.

But alas, I wore that poor guy out.  Flush after flush. Day after day.  That sweet princes last flush has flushed.  The problem? I just ate so much Taco Bell! I need relief and stat. (stat is a doctor term you dummy)  So my boo bought me the new turd pool.  I think it is a proposal also.  I mean it is made of diamonds! Diamonds mean love!

Every time I'm in the town shittin, bling bling. Weezy wishes he could say that.

So I tried to pawn my new toilet.  Needed CRD money.  CUBIC FUCKING ZERCONIAS!  My life is over, my dreams dashed. My crap, so so boring. Another lame day with a lame toilet.  I miss old flushy, you cheeky bastard. I flush a toilet in his memory whenever I can.

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Awesome Song of the Day #131

BILL WITHERS

USE ME

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ATTENTION!

3-4 Loyal readers.  Thanks for coming.  I am going to do some rebranding.  No, that sounds way to technical and smart, and I honestly kinda know what that means but couldn’t intelligently explain it to a blind guy.  He would think I was talking about Nacho’s, yea they are plural got a problem?.  I am going to be changing my profile and format.  Just a tweak, calm down baby girl it is okay. Pretty much same material but I will be adding some things I hate to the awesome/rad things and some home drawn cartoons, cause, well, damn their fun! Me, paint and 20 minutes… well its just wonderful.  Here is what I did this morning..untill I realized that some asshole already took Mental Diarrhea!!! Fuck head hasn’t used it in a year either! BOOO!

It represented my home. My moat. My Shark. And my draw bridge. RIP Castle w/ fireworks in the background.

It was going to be my logo, maybe.  Just a little thing I whipped together.  NBD.

Stop clapping already!

Serious Business on hand.

Do I go with Mental Diarrhea anyway? I say no.  The reason I am leaving the AWESOMENESS game is its saturated already! I am feeling Radical… did some quick google searches virgin territory for the most part, so it is ripe for me to ruin.

possible names or call signs if I were in top gun.

RAD ISN’T JUST A WORD

WHERE CAN I GET SOME HOTDOGS?

YOU SAY TOMATO, I SAY RADICAL.

RAD BY DAY, RAD BY NIGHT.

RAD BACKWARDS IS DAR.

HAVE YOU SEEN MY PANTS?

MAMA SAID KNOCK ME OUT?

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I NEED SOME VOTES OR HELP OR SOMETHING! OR I WILL JUST DO IT ON MY OWN AND IT WILL KICK ASS SO WHATEV.

PEACE SON.

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