TECHNOLOGY AWESOMENESS: X RAY VISION! (VACATION!)

I am getting ready to go on a vacation.  I am traveling the world to see what cubicles are like around the globe.  It will be featured on PBS and will be a 12 hour 12 part mini series.  I call it, Cubicles: My coworkers don’t know I am not wearing pants right now.  But before I jet off on a jet plane and not know when I will be back again … wait / actually it will be next thursday.  That song doesn’t quite have the same ring when you do know when you are coming back again.

SUBJECT CHANGE!

You know what is cool? X-ray vision / goggles / eyes…etc.  I mean you can see people’s bones and what they have been putting up their ass.  I swear to god, you google images anything and at least one of them is me with something up my butt.

Yes you can ask how this happened, I was trying to open it. Happy now?

The funny part about X-ray goggles / vision is it would actually kind of suck to have.  You get those childish ideas about looking at boobies and stuff that is hidden by undies.  But you never remember that dudes dongs are gonna be flapping in your face without any hanes protection.  It would be awful.  Also have you seen how fat everybody is these days?  Nobody wants to see that.  Now if I could go to a super model convention, maybe.  The midwest? Fuck no.

It is a cool idea in theory, like gravity.  But in all actuality no thanks.  I will just mentally undress you with my eyes from behind my sunglasses while sitting in my car.  Fuck technology.

Plus! These things just give away what you are doing?!?!?!?!?!

It should just say "looking at your lady parts". Please don't use your X ray specs to look at my boner.

Superman is a pervert and spell check isn’t familiar with the word boner.  That’s funny to me. I think boner is now proper English.  Soon some kid will have to spell it at a Spelling Bee  because its proper English.

Boner.

Can you use that in a sentence?

Please get your boner out of my face.

Can you use that in another sentence?

Please get your boner out of my mash potatoes.

…FYI I can keep this up all night….

Pun Intended.

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Awesome Song Of The Day #125

XV – Mirror’s Edge

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See y’all later. Maybe when I get back I will start writing about politics…..

SATURDAY NIGHT MUSICAL ORGY!!!!!!

It is Saturday night, Point Break is on TV.  I have downloaded  a bunch of new music and had a Mrs. Fields cookie ice cream sandwich.  Life is pretty freakin amazing sometimes. I figured I’d massage your ear drums with the sweet sound of good music.  I also thought about doing a naked helicopter in my culdesac but figured I’d get arrested.

Song #1

The Pass – Treatment of the Sun

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Song #2

Big Boi Ft. Gucci Mane

Shine Blockers

Beat is smooth like my ass, vocals are clean like my record, collabo tight like my ass also???? I am not as good at that as rappers … Actually… I like em.  In your face rappers

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Song #3

All Summer – Converse (Cudi, Best Coast, guy from Vampire Weekend)

just a great song, if this doesn’t make you tap your toes.  Well listen to something else that does.

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Song #4

Electric Tickle Machine

FUN

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Song #5

Delta Mirror

He was worse than the needle he gave you

I figure that will be good for you.  Enjoy. Can I also recommend a Mrs Fields Cookie Ice Cream sandwich? Do your self a favor and get one of them.  If you do yourself a favor do you owe you one? When are you ever even?  You better clean your brains off the wall that I just exploded with my deepness.

FOOD AWESOMENESS: JELLO!

I am found a new way to decide what to write about.  A psychic german octopus opens my garage door, opens my house door, rides eligh for a few minutes, opens the internet to a random link and I have to write about it.  So far we have been taking mulligans on a few topics because my first 47 topics were all hardcore german porn.  Don’t get my wrong I wanna put sauerkraut on a girls tits and have a monkey shave my balls but this is a family show as I have said before.  So finally we land on something wholesome and delicious.  Jello.  Photographic example of topic follows this period. <——— (that fucking period)

Why the shit am I holding this with my fingers! Now they are sticky. Fuck. This is a failure, I quit.

Sorry, I had a self-pity party.  You know what cures that? Jello and Hardcore german porn watching with a psychic german octopus.  But only named paul.  (if you don’t know a psychic german octopus has been guessing all the world cup games right so far, then I probably sound pretty awesome right about now, but alas, my fair prince, I didn’t make that up, boy howdy I wish I would have)

Doesn’t bill Cosby like Jello? and if there is anything America likes more than Bill Cosby I sure haven’t found it

Other people who supposedly also like Jello.

Shaq, Christian Slater, Paul the psychic octopus, and the San Diego Charger.  That is all.

Have you ever wondered what the set of full house would look like made of jello? Me too, shaq, me too.

What a gay model...get it? GAY? San Francisco?!?!?! Zing! Take that to the bank.

My grandmother in law used to make 7 layer jello, it was pretty cool.  Tasted like a rainbow. It would have been cooler as 8 level but you know she was only soooo talented.  (dear grandma in law, im only kidding, you know it was fucking way cooler than 6 layer jello)

I am on the all Jello diet.  I only eat Jello. Duh.

(spell check told me all should be awl … what the fuck word is that)

Lebron, you could have had all the Jello you wanted if you came to the nuggets but noooo you had to want cocaine and dirty ladies.  The choice is simple, me, the nuggets, jello and psychic german octopuses.

Blah blah blah colored sugar that jiggles.

I am over it. Bye.

Yea, I feel I really closed this one out strong. Your welcome.

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #124

All Natural

50 Years

Quite possibly my favorite hip song ever.  Behind baby got back of course.

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