MY OPEN LETTER TO THE TWO FACED KITTEN!
I know there is a formula for this blog and it certainly isn’t broken. But something has happened, that is so amazing, space explosions worthy, that I felt I would do my civic duty and write the two faced kitten a letter. A love letter of sorts? I don’t know do you think I have a chance with mutant kitty?
And… I want to be featured on Oprah! What does a fucking dude need to do to get featured on Oprah or in O! (that’s the Oprah magazine for you heathens that don’t know) Put down Bird Monthly and pick up some O! So many good interviews with Paula Abdul and features on Losing 5 lbs before swimsuit season!
Dear Kitty With Two Faces,
You are a marvel of the wonders of mother earth and step father space. You were born out of magic and wonder. Two faces? How does that happen? Science says it was a two headed sperm. I say it was Jesus. You are a creation of the lord himself. Why? Why would god take time out of his busy day of canasta and PBR to make a two headed kitten? Easy, humans were bored with 1 faced kittens. Ohh your orange tabby has 1 grill? Boring, might as well go kill itself.
Kitty, you are a monster, a disgustingly cute monster. You just peed in my loafers and scratched my shins. I was going to drop kick you, but look at that face it’s adorable. I mean faces, nice catch, congrats to me for proof reading just a little bit. Your like frankenstein a misunderstood monster. No, not like the Hunchback of Notre Dame he is just a freak.
The bad news kitty, we can’t keep both faces. Science hasn’t figured out that technology yet. So we need to figure out which face has got to go!
Face #1, So cute and innocent the first time I saw you it was like the sunrise after a light rain storm. My breath was taken away.
Face #2, Your ugly as shit.
Face #1, So good at math and comedy. Made me laugh for hours with your pi and square root jokes. 3.14 ha! that was a good one… We will always have cosign
Face #2, You ate my sandwich.
Face #1, When you puurrrrr it is like the heavens are playing a harp for me.
Face #2, Your breath smells like cat food and turds
Face #1, When you play with string, I just giggle for hours.
Face #2, You just fell over trying to stand up.
Face #1. Say good bye to your brother
Face#2 – “fuck that”
Well face #2 just killed face 1. Damnit. Stuck with this 1 faced shit head
Ohh well. You still can kill that mouse over there right?
Face #2 “For 100 dollars”.
Hmmmm. I miss face #1
Okay two faced kitten this is the end of my letter.
I still love you.
Almost as much as I love the villain you were created after.
Awesome Song of The Day #121
The Golden Dogs
1985 (Cover of a Paul McCartney Song) after you hear this version Paul Mc Should probably stop playing music they murder his song.
The Golden Dogs are fucking awesome by the way.