Fig Newtons are not as popular as they used to be.  I call strike 3 on society.  First, people have turned on Nick Cage? Thought I couldn’t handle it there. Next, Cookie Monster is a fucking vegetarian? He only ate cookies god damn-it he was already a fucking vegetarian!   There are no such things as meat cookies. However … the thought is intreaging … and I may mix my next steak with some sugar cookie mix…oven it.  Roll, in it? Anybody? Just me? Fine more meat cookies for the old badass.

Then Fig Newtons dropped in popularity! Jesus Hansen Christ! Have you tried one? Lately or ever…? If it’s never get your head out your ass … stop eating garbage and go get some.  I don’t care how you get some….just get some! (i stole that from a sweet Texas Car dealer ad)

Like all food not as good looking in actual picture form. But looks better than they do on the exit trip! HA get it..nuge nuge, wink wink…shit joke!

Fig Newtons

I had 7 before I could take the a problem with that? Yeah, your right I didn't take that pic..but I did eat 7 fig newtons...okay 19.

It is a delicious fruit wrapped in cake! Holy Hell! Almost as enticing as Meat Cookies. Or Snicker Sandwiches!  Did your mom ever say, “hey kid, eat some fruit…and you can have cake after”  Wanna bake her noodle (not a sexual phrase I promise) Just say this “mommy! BOTH!”.  Works every time.  Your food pyramid more like a square? Just waffles? Well mine is immaculate.  47 servings of fruit.  All Figs with Newton wrappers.


Raccoon Eating a Fig Newton

If this doesn't make you smile then you hate fig newtons and raccoons. And are the Devil.

Billy Nye- “Badass?”

Me: “Yes resident scientist?”

Billy Nye – “Have you ever had a regular fig?” You know the Fruit?”

Me – “No, don’t be fucking silly. What is this? Crazy Town America?”

Enough with science for the day.

I am so glad the internet exists.  This last picture just fell in my lap.  Meat Cookies? Nah, I’ll take some Meat Newtons Please! OHHH BOY!  I am so excited to see your face when you see this next picture.  Just don’t look in the tree outside your house.  Promise I am not there….promise.

Meat Fig Newtons

Ha! yep. Somebody is a jeanius! HA the internet is incredible. My folks missed out for sure.

Wow my Bucket List is actually complete.  I saw a raccoon eating a Fig Newton.  Wait one more entry on my Bucket List.  See the Bucket List. Nice, tonight is gonna be sweet, Meaty Cake filled figs and Jack Nicholson flirting with Morgan Freeman.

Time has come to say bye.  Bye.

Awesome Song of the Day # 108

Electric Light Orchestra

Evil Woman




  1. I’ve never had a regular newton either!
    Are they grown next to each other in secret orchards?
    What does Bill Nye say about that one?

    They must be from Area 51.

    note: I hope ELO sued those “Simon Says” people for using their spaceship as a design for the crappy electronic memory game.

  2. mmm the cakey fruity sausagy goodness looks great. and such an easy recipe.

  3. Jesus Hansen Christ. I always wondered what the H stood for.

  4. Counter Culture Clown Says:

    Oh no, that raccoon has your Fig!

    COONS! Night of the bandits of the night! (if you seriously don’t know what that’s a reference to, you need to read my blog more often :P)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: