BUG AWESOMENESS: PRAYING MANTISESESES!

The eseses is for many.  Extra plural.  I am a pretty big fan of bugs.  Lots of cool ones.  They can lay eggs in your back.  They can fly, they can be ladies and they can eat your face off after make babies.  WHOOOAAOOO! The death after baby making makes me cringe a bit but the face eating part is neat.  I wish more animals ate faces it is such an under utilized death method.  Poison this, claws that, eat when already dead.  So many animals are lame.  Yeah I am talking at you Vultures.

Nature Pic: Kids this Picture is of Vultures sucking. Ohh you kill that? Nope? Hope you get food poisoning.

Don’t believe me that praying mantisie, singular silly, eat faces after the thing they do in private? Called sexual cannibalism, just learned that on wiki.  Luckily for me there is nothing called Masturbation Cannibalism, bad news on many fronts.  Well just the dead me part and least I went out how I came into this world….. I’m gonna give you a second cause that paragraph is incredible, filled with jokes and stuff …I loved it.

Hmmmm changing subjects now.

Praying Mantis in fact don’t pray, they are in fact atheists.  They watched the Bill Maher movie and swore off god for good.

More facts: Praying Mantis”””ssss are actually terrible boxers.  I am 7,988,988 – 1 in my bouts with 1 NC, jerk threw sand in my eyes.  Then I went to my knees and rubbed my eyes and yelled for dramatic effect.  Like…..

AHHH MY EYES! DAMN YOU EVIL MANTIS, I WILL SAY IT BUT I WON'T LIKE IT.......KUMATA!!!!!

For a post about Bugs I sure don’t have a lot of pictures of them. It is because they are disgusting and eat weird shit.  What ever happened to bugs liking rotten fruit or dead animals? What the crap is this?

Ewwww. Bugs. I bet I will win in our boxing matchup later.

AHHH SHIT! THERE WAS A LAST MINUTE MANTIS REPLACEMENT DAMNIT!

Humans only predators: 1) Predators, 2) Giant Praying Mantis'zz'zs. Just stay away from him when he is horny.

Dear lord that word is hard to pluralize.

Im done with this!

Time to fight some bugs.

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Awesome Song of the Day # 112

MAGIC MAN

NEST

only 45 view getting you in on the ground floor. Your fucking welcome.

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CHILDHOOD AWESOMENESS: TOYS THAT TEACH SKILLS!

Halo, no skills taught. Kids just sitting around smoking bongs shooting rockets at each other at a prison.  What can you use that for in real life? I’m asking you.  I can wait……….

I got sick of waiting and learned some war tactics and mental visualization skills by playing a quick game of battleship with my dog.  He always sinks my battle ship! Then I throw the board across the room and pout.  I am currently pouting.  Big frowny face. Shup up eligh, I know you always win.

What else do kids do these days?  Pokeman? Digimon? Some other japanese card crap thing? That only teaches kids to be poofs who are afraid of the sun none of those animals are real… at least when I was a kid I had baby animal memory.  Great for the brain and adorable.

When I was a kid we practiced being construction workers.  Practical real world skills that we could transfer to our adult lives.

It's not that bad, fresh air, as many cigs as you can smoke, a sweet hat. See Timmy you too can join the working class.

Look how much fun I had? Buckets.  Which I knew how to fill and empty because of my construction skills.

My imaginary sister. What did she get? Easy-Bake oven  Now she can bake the shit out of some stuff.  And as a secret added bonus that you just don’t think about.  Changing Light Bulbs.  Think about it.  Two skills in one!  Personal Palm Computers for kids? Kids don’t have appointments! You don’t need a Palm Pre to schedule picking your nose.  I remember just fine.

Girls you're gonna need these skills to land a man......

Well I have effectively offended my female fans.  Ha thats a good one. Girls don’t read this. Or talk to me… More frowny face!

I really don’t party with to many children these days.  Trying to think of more stuff they do that sucks. Let me think.

FUCK.

I just googled some shit that pisses me off more than fire ants on my face.  When I was a kid nerf and super soaker where the shit. You had to convince your folks to get 2 toys to get both.  Now they have combined forces!? Whaaaa? First KFC and Taco Bell now Super Soaker and Nerf? Ohh no big d…looks like crap.  Good. That was a close call thought kids these days had a foot up on us. Nope still sucky.

Bull shit super nerfers don’t have shit on… king kong!!!  Yes, Denzel Washington, we realize that … now stop yelling that at Ethan Hawke. He is fragile and stop interrupting my blog.   I was going to say hungry hungry hippos.

I wanna be the blue one.

How many lessons in that game?!?!?! Count em. Survival of the Fittest! ONE!.  But a good lesson, if you don’t eat as much as you can, and as much of your co-hippas food as you can.  Then you will starve to death.  What happens when there is no more food? Ughhh, play again. World resources solved yet again. I tackle the big issues move over anderson cooper.

out

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Awesome Song of the Day #111

Bonobo

Flutter

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EMOTIONAL COMPLETENESS AWESOMENESS: HAPPINESS FOUND!

Man-kinds entire existence has been centered around the search for happiness.  We have tried religion, drugs, music, movies, friendship, families, staring at Koala Bears and so on and so forth.  Well, today driving home from an unnamed International Airport in the city of Denver, it will stay secret to protect my identity, I discovered the secret to happiness.

Well that's fucking bullshit.

Not a lick of Irish in me.  Life is cruel, and I had to find out the hard way that I will never be happy.  Judy McGarrity’s license plate on her 97′ mauve Ford Tempo.  Talk about kick in the ballsfacestomach.  Well I guess that gives me the right to pursue my true calling.  Blackhearted Somali pirate. Don’t bring your cargo ships around these parts…. pirating (a real verb) will happen.

I am tired from traveling.  Enjoy this song. Makes me….well I was gonna say happy but thats not true cause I’m not irish.  Neither is this band.  Well, get mild fleeting entertainment from it.

Awesome Song #110

The Morning Benders – Chasing a Ghost

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