WEAPON AWESOMENESS: SLEEVE WEAPONS!
Shirt sleeves are so useless most of the time. I mean all of my shirts are sleeveless, gym shirts, work shirts, wedding shirts, funeral shirts, sleeping, eating, swimming pool shirts. I just can’t see a good reason to cover these pythons. Until yesterday. I got in to a knife fight with some guy. He had nothing. Just stupid fists and a shit long sleeved dumb ass shirt. I laughed for about 35 seconds in his face with my pocket knife waving in his face. Then he smiled and “swhhoooommmmmp” (onimonipea) and giant swords came flying out of his shirts! HE WASN’T EVEN WOLVERINE! I lost, it goes without saying. So, I am laying in the hospital this morning, licking my wounds and thinking, how did he do that? … Then like a ray of light from the Dawn….Those fucking sleeves are good for something. Hiding Weapons, and I love my weapons.
So i’ve healed, fast healer, like a cat. I strapped a couple swords under my shirt. Got ready to pick a fight. This time, I went to a Mexican Cantina. Lovely little joint. Mariachi music playing in the background, I take a Sol and sat and waited for somebody, who A) would fight me, then B) I could win. So this punk ass little pretty boy walks in and steps on my toe.
Direct Quote From Me – “hey? what the heck!”
Him – “some word in spanish”
Me – “……”
Him – “Lo Siento”
Me – “Ohhh well fuck you too”. Swords pop out, commence laughing.
Him – “sccchhhhwwippp ( more noises that sound like their spelled ) GUNS? WHAT THE FUCK!
I gotta stop fighting guys from movies already. I saw Clubber Lang and ran the other way. He didn’t have sleeves but I guarantee he has a laser cannon hidden in his mohawk.
What do I do? Here is what I did tonight, after my bullet wounds healed. Yea wound-s plural. Jerk shot my 6 times.
I went to Burma, smuggled a tiger out of the country, strapped a Mini Gun on it’s head and stuck it in my pant leg. Who wants a piece? You Antonio Banderas? Didn’t think so.
Awesome Song of The Day #101
Walking On Broken Glass
(Guest starring John Malkavich)