Humans love our pets. We will keep anything as a pet. Giant killer snakes? Monkeys that eat your neighbors face off? Spiders? ROCKS? All are yeses. We are obsessed with making life perfect for our pets. They eat gourmet fish and barley while I am stuck eating 10 lbs of butter from Costco. Gotta buy that fancy ass kibble. We recreate coral reefs for our tropical poisonous king of the jungle fish. And the most amazing of all, pet steps. Tiny little stairs so our little furry friends can come spoon with us while we cry in lonely sadness that there isn’t a human next to us. Rather a creature that is perfectly fine with farting in our faces and then demanding we let them out to shit. That’s who I want nestled gently next to me at night. Hey little buddy use these steps it will make it easier.
I’ve been installing pet steps all over my house to make my life a little easier. Step over the edge of my bubble bath tub? Risk bumping my shins? Hells no. Risk a slip on some bubbles and maybe bashing my noodle and drowning? Never. 3 steps up the edge of the tub, 3 step back down in. Very controlled and safe, I also have hand rails for extra safety. My stairs were the worst part of my house 12 up and 12 down. Those were really big spaces and I just couldn’t quite make that space. Burn the hell out of my calfs Now? Pet steps in between each step. I still have to go the same distance but its much easier on my quads, just baby steps. I still have to take a nap half way up, but now my legs don’t burn afterwards. Life is good. You know how I know 2012 end of the world is going to come true?
Pet steps were invented a long time ago, to make sacrificing people easier and so their dogs wouldn’t feel left out. They knew! They predicted the future, that we would be using steps for our lazy fat ass animals to get to the top of tall things. Jeeeshh those guys are smart. My thought? why not sacrifice people on the ground. No steps, no huffing and puffing, much cleaner head chop offs when you aren’t breathing heavy. Guess they were not that smart.
Olympics are over. What am I going to do with no curling? Bye England female team captain I will miss you. XOXO.
AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #107
College – Teenage Color