OLYMPIC AWESOMENESS: THE BIATHLON!


So, the winter games are starting.  The worlds best at making snow angels and  snow forts will gather in Canadia for a competition to see who is cooler.  The USA always wins this because…well, we are just cooler… When is the snow Planet of Hoth gonna get the winter games? It only makes sense.

You’re Confused? God your Dumb!  It is covered in snow! Duh.  Rancors? Those are only on Tatooine … jeez, on Hoth you only have Wampas.  Plus you could have a Wampa joust competition for a medal.  The only problem with a Star Wars Olympics is that Yoda would win every event.  Especially the triple flip jump light saber battles.

But we are light eons away from that competition, so the US can continue our everything domination.  The best Olympic Event? The Luge? Pretty sweet to bullet speed race down a tiny frozen tube. Even cooler if you are Jamaican.  Curling? My only pre-req for a sport is a broom being involved.  But those are distant second to the Grand Daddy of awesome sports.  The Biathlon.  The picture speaks words at you.

Biathlon

Awesome Pants? Poles? A Gun? Why isn't this a major in school?

The purpose of the biathlon.  To ski and shoot guns.  Honest.  You strap on your skis.  You load a weapon, usually a high caliber rifle.  Ski around and shoot shit.  This was made up by the smartest person ever.

Olympics Committee – Would you like to join the downhill ski team?

Awesome German (not sure who invented it but had to be german) – Do I get to shoot shit?

OC – Uhhh? What?

German – Like with a gun, shoot stuff, maybe a bunny or bambi’s mom.  Maybe just cans.  Im okay with cans.  As long as I get to blow them up.

OC- Why not just shoot guns by themselves? Why the skis?

German – Fuck you, that’s not very olympic.  I need to sweat too …. + competition that is what the world was built on.

OC – sold. Bring your gun, we will bring the cans.

And the Biathlon was birthed.

When will the all participate in athletics then participate in violence games occur?

ATV Biathlon

Purpose....drive in circles shooting bullets in the sky. Which ever bullet lands on the ground near the target or... kills a goose wins.

Other great possibilities.

Run a 10k, then strangle somebody.

Swim a mile than jump kick a bear

Do 10 pushups… then a summersault… then Karate Chop a Watermelon.

Africa has been way ahead of us for years on the front.  10k Turkey Trot….Then Machete the closest rebel.

Machete Biathlon

The guy in white is going to win! But no star value! his face is covered!

The olympics could be sooo much better.  More weapons.  Less France.

Bye.

—-

Awesome Song of the Day #98

Beach House

Better Times

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7 Responses to “OLYMPIC AWESOMENESS: THE BIATHLON!”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Why do they call it Hoth. Should call it Coldth

  2. indeed, in fact i say we go one further.

    how about a new triathalon. for murderers.

    1 stab a guy. 2 strangle a guy. 3 shoot a guy.

    speed is the name of the game.

    and just to make sure that nobody gets hurt,
    we can make all the targets Senators and Congressmen.
    there are so many of them. and they are so worthless to society that they barely classify as “people”,

  3. The watermelons have it coming. I don’t like their attitudes.

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