Calzones.  The word itself just warms your loins.  It tingles your arm hairs doesn’t it?  It cured your leukemia? Yea… didn’t think so they aren’t that incredible.  But they are everything great about food all put in one little handy bread pouch.  I hate wasting all my time messing around with forks and knives.  Don’t even get me started on spoons! Those things make no sense.


Me: what?

Guy: You use them to scoop.

Me: Eyebrows raise gently.  AHHH HOT DAMN!

Thanks again guy.

Calzone.  Your loins are tingling again.  I know.


If was han solo I would have put Luke Skywalker into this instead of the Ton Ton. What a delicious bed this would make.

Here is how you make one.  Get a pen and paper.  Start writing.  Take a pizza now wrap it up in some bread.  Done. Eat!  Those fucking Italians are geniuses.  Except Michelangelo that fucks a hack and a half. Which is nuts because milli vanilli were only full hacks!  Not sure how to utilize this technology elsewhere.  Burritos! Damn Mexico has been all over this trend for decades too!

Guy: I think burritos are centuries old.


They are just so damn hot and juicy and saucey and pepporoniey and pizzaey.  Words haven’t even been invented to describe what these fucking things taste like.  Words like great, yum, tasty, neat, filling.  Hmmm Merriem Webster is telling me those are real words.  Tumreatilling. Which basically boils down to Tasty Yum Great and Filling all mixed together and wrapped in bread.  Like a calzone.  It’s the circle of life.

I was always wondering how all of those ingredients breath though.


Ahhh Gills. Knew it. There fish.

Time to get Fat.


Awesome Song of The Day #87

Tears for Fears

Everybody wants to rule the World

Great video



  1. So I got a calzone the other day from Old Chicago’s(while drinking a New Belgium beer for $4.00 US Currency. I guess it had 2 dollar bus ticket from the plant 1.37 miles away?) and I ordered a calzone for my lady and I to share. When they deliver it, it is cut in half on two different plates! What the fuck were they thinking? Oh this looks like a guy who wants his girl to give away half of one half of his calzone to his loser friends who didnt order food! Why in Dauber’s name would I not want to be in charge of the calzone that I had ordered and paid for. I planned on eating approximately 15/17 of that calzone…instead I was stuck with 44/88. So stupid. Old Chicago’s is like an Applebee’s wannabe. But everything is ok though because I got to watch the new episode of Jersey Shore tonight and Snooki got hit in the face again. I love life, and banana popsicles…

  2. Oh, and Tears for Fears makes me so hard that I get soft…soooo soft.

  3. Wow, I love awesomeness! It’s just so awesome! I’ll have to come back and read through your blog later; at work right now–boo! ;P The topic of the kid’s show is very hush hush, but if we know you in RL we’d be happy to chat with you about it! Just let me know who you are so we could contact you ;)P

  4. No way should they be able to contain that much goodness. Yet, somehow…

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