FISHING AWESOMENESS: NOODLING!

I fucking love catfish.  I want nothing more than to only eat catfish.  They eat mud and humans.  They have giant whiskers and somehow are not related to cats… I am almost 143% sure that they are from space or hell.  I think they scream when you look at them.  So what do I do? I stick my arms down their mouths.  In an attempt to catch them? Huh?

 

Catfish are smarter then hillbillies. Catfish are actually catching humans with noodling.

I first heard about noodling where all good humans hear about stupid shit that shouldn’t exist but does, the internet.  Apparently, hill billies don’t believe in fishing poles, dynamite, laser guns or hypnotization,which is the only way to hunt in my book.  So they take their clothes off, because you don’t want to dirty your coveralls in a muddy crick. You lay on your stomach and crawl on your hands until you stick your arm in a giant catfishes mouth.  Then the battle starts.  Because people actually die doing this shit.  These things can weigh up to 300 pounds.  Huh, bad idea when you get that one.

 

Gus playing river fort with uncle billy? nope Gus fishing...with uncle billy / or waiting for city boy canoeurs to happen by..ewww

Sooo the next time you go bear hunting … do this

1. find a cave, make sure osama bin laden is not in there he won’t bite your arm

2. crawl on the ground

3. put it in a bears mouth

4. see heaven finally!

see ya!

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Awesome song of the Day# 76

The Living Legends – Nothing Less

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MOVIE AWESOMENESS: DEMOLITION MAN!

There are so many good movies in the universe.  They usually star people named simon phoenix and john spartan.  One of them will usually have a beret and the other just might have yellow hair with geometric shapes for edges.  Only if we are lucky…?

Forget lines in your head how do I get that hair cut? Or a beret. Beggers can't be choosers.

Why do people say beggers can’t be choosers? That’s rat shit in my book.

ME: “Hey Begger eat this turd sandwich!”

Begger: “Uhhhh nope”

ME: “WHAAA? Beggers can’t be choosers, bitch”

Begger: “Hey jerkface … I am not eaing a turd…”

ME: ” I guess they can choose, well, jokes on you cause im gonna eat it ! ahh that was a horrible idea!”

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So, D-Man is set in the future, in a magical place called San Angeles, which according to Wiki, is a combination of San Diego, Los Angeles and Santa Barbara. Shouldn’t it be called San Barngeles? Ban Sangerara? San Angeles it is! Here, there is no crime, only Dennis Leary hanging out underground getting ready to rob Taco Bell.  Simon Phoenix, Wesley Snipes in real life, is trying to avoid paying taxes so he gets frozen for 40 years.  He then unfreezes to kill edgar friendly (leary…  c’mon snipes he just wants a cheesy gordita crunch!)

John Spartan and that lovely lady from Speed have some weird cyber sex, they sing the jolly green giant song, Spartan beats up some hobo’s trying to eat tacos, they visit the hall of violence (why the smithsonian doesn’t have that I will never know).  This flick also asks the most important question of our generation? Where is the beef? Nope, …  Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country? Nope! …

YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO USE THE THREE SEASHELLS!?!?

 

YOU STICK THEM UP YOUR BUTT! .... duh!

Moral of this story is this movie rocks.

End

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY # 75

White Rabbits – Percussion Gun

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HOLIDAY AWESOMENESS: THANKSGIVING!

Thanksgiving.  Turkey’s get food stuffed up their butt and then get cooked… I didn’t make that up, we actually do that.

 

"hey science, find a way to put food up this birds ass... why don't you just use your hand? by god science your good"

 

 

At christmas we don’t shove mashed potatoes up a ducks ass, however that sounds wonderful.  How did we come to this putting food up other foods poopers and how can we do more of it.  I think mac and cheese up a cows ass would probably be like the 2nd coming of jesus.  Hey, religious types thats not blasphemous! Jesus has the blue box blues.

The story of thanksgiving white people sucked at trying to survive and native americans were really good at making turkeys and cranberry sauce.  The pilgrims introduced the natives to the detroit lions and some inflatable things in the air and the rest was history.

Things I am thankful for:

Explosions, godzilla, Marisa miller, space and hover shoes.  Although not invented yet, I am working away with Bill Nye to get those real.

Enjoy your turkey, I know sesame street will :

 

What the hell is cookie monster going to eat?

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Don’t forget to give thanks for me.  I am giving thanks for you right now!  More after the holiday!

stuffed!

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Awesome Song of The Day #74

LIVE – SELLING THE DRAMA

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