ANIMAL AWESOMENESS: SABERTOOTH TIGERS!
Cats are awesome. I know there are a lot of cat haters in the world. I am not one. I love kitties… (distant asshole voice yells, “why”). Fair enough I will answer that question with another question. Why arn’t cats awesome….?
I win debate club again. Suck. It.
Plus you have to determine the radness of something by what it evolved from. Birds = awesome, kids of velociraptors. Humans = awesome, used to be monkeys. Cats = awesome, yep sabertooth tigers. Now take an animals that does what ever it wants to all day and give it giant fangs. Fangs that are so awesome they were named after swords.
Here is the day of a Sabertooth Tiger. Wake. Murder a Giraffe or T-Rex. Eat it. Nap for 18 hours. Wake, tongue bath + some purring. Killing resumes with a great white shark followed by a quick purrr sesh then another nap. Everyday filled with bloody animal carcasses; fuck it’s friday today they would have eaten a hippopotamus or orange julius.
Did you know a Sabertooth has a sweet tooth? For your fucking skull. Science Proven!
If I have do die. Please let a Sabertooth Tiger eat my brains through my eye sockets…please. Best funeral ever!
Oprah – “It’s so sad…how did he die?”
Bill Nye The Science Guy – ” Sabertooth ate his head”
Oprah – “Radical” —— Jump high five with Bill Nye.
I can dream can’t I…I can dream.
Awesome Song of The Day # 62
Shout Out Louds – Tonight I Have to Leave