Archive for October, 2009

HOLIDAY AWESOMENESS: HALLOWEEN!

Posted in Awesome, Awesomeness, Children, Holidays, Humor, Music, Stuff, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on October 30, 2009 by tsanda

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Says the fake tombstone in my neighbors front yard!  I thought he had killed somebody and buried them in his yard, I was super excited to not be the only one in the neighborhood known for killing people and burying them in the yard.  Which is a huge misconception because I actually eat them and sex up their dead bodies.  So silly to just bury them, I am like a native American I use all of the corpse.  I am eco friendly.  The green cereal killer I am known as in the cereal killer world.  This is weird, mom I don’t eat people….? Nice.

 

halloween

Note: perverts you do not stick your dick in these!

 

 

I mean finally! A holiday for us vegetable carvers of the world.  I tried to get smoke signals out of style by carving words into cucumbers and throwing them in the air.  It wasn’t very successful but we had a lot of pickles later so that was kinda cool.

You know what is sweet about halloween it combines all my favorite things.  I get to dress all sorts of seductive.  This is me from last year.

Ugghhhh huhhh there real!

UGHHH HUHHH THEY ARE REAL!

Secondly, I get a lot of free candy, Lastly, I get to give kids fruit with razor blades in it.  IT IS LIKE WIN WIN WIN!  HERE KID EAT THIS RAZOR BLADE!!! Oh you don’t want unwrapped items? Cool I rewraped this starburst and put acid on it! ENJOY YOUR TRIP! THERE ARE MONSTERS UNDER YOUR BED! WHAT!

Sorry i love halloween.  Time to go put on my garter and get down!  See you sometime tommorow.  Please hold my hair while I vomit.

BOOO!

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #65

OCTOPUS PROJECT – Bees Bein Stugglin (awesome)

 

NATURE AWESOMENESS: NIGHT TIME!

Posted in Awesome, Humor, Monsters, Music, Nature, The 80's with tags , , , , , on October 27, 2009 by tsanda

I went to another portion of these states.  Texas. Surprisingly I wasn’t shot and the goat I brought wasn’t raped it was a really eye opening experience. Sometimes things really are just stereotypes!  So I was sleeping last night and I was thinking about zombies and popcorn, well not pop corn just orvelle reddinbocker. The point is when else can I have a mental party with the living dead and that popped corn guy?  Not day time, thats when I have to press buttons and thinks stuffs.  But at night time, I only have to drink Pabst blue ribbon and not get attacked by the ghouls who live under my bed.

What does nighttime mean to me?

Unless your a cat or have night vision you won't know what is in that picture box ... I can't keep a secret it's MUFFINS!

Yea it is just a black picture! I am Hilarious! the night is black!

Well I am not a cat and I can’t see what goes on at night either!  Why is it that things get so much scarier at night time?  I would say because it is all the monsters that come out at night time.  Or the child molesters.  Yea the child molesters are why.  You don’t think things are scarier at night? You know what hawaii looks like when the sun turns off?

2696347-2-nighttime-reflections

Hawaii is such a liar.

QUESTION! KING OF THE JUNGLE? LION / KING OF POP? MORGAN FREEMAN / KING OF THE NIGHT?

stv_nighttime_b

KITTIES! YOU DON'T THINK THEY RUN THE NIGHT? TRY SEEING AT NIGHT, OHH YOU CAN'T? WELL SKITTLES HERE CAN AND DRANK YOUR MILK....

KEEP LOOKING FOR MORE AWESOMENESS IN THE FUTURE!

BYE!

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #64

WHEN IN ROME – THE PROMISE

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VIDEO GAME AWESOMENESS: CASTLEVANIA!

Posted in Awesome, Humor, memories, Monsters, Music, video games with tags , , , , , on October 18, 2009 by tsanda

Now don’t expect a lot of specifics because I haven’t played this in 15 years nor did I play any of the sequels but I do remember the name and that you are trying to kill Dracula.  P.S. why is Dracula not in the word spell check database?  I mean if I were Miriam Webster the first word I want to know how to spell is Dracula.  Followed closely by Kazoo.  I have a love hate relationship with Dracula on the one hand I love him. On the other I hate him.

Angry mob that was trying to kill dracula that is now pissed at me for my lack of specifics – “why do you love him”

Answer – His life is incredible.  He lives in a castle.  Super neat.  He is surrounded by undead slave women who only want to please and protect him.  I have to pay a lot of money for that kind of treatment and I usually only get herpes out of the deal.

Same mob slightly less angry – “okay fair enough, why do you hate him”

Answer – That jerk didn’t friend me on facebook.  He was to busy super poking Frankenstein and posting pictures of his camping trip with the Wolf Man.

Mob – “Okay we will go back to trying to kill Dracula, your off the hook….For now…”

Anywhoooo.  The main reason I love Castlevania (again another word that I am shocked is not in spell check), is the balls the main hero has.  I am going to kill bats, monsters, the undead and ultimately Dracula.  Van Pussing brings cross bows and magic bibles … all I need is whip.  Your going to whip Dracula to death? Yep Yeppers.  Aight good luck with that shit.  Can I have your X box when you die immediately. … And you Fight Fish people!

AHHH WHIP IT!

AHHH WHIP IT!

Way to much reading involved with this post sorry.  I promise not much more!  Last reason for loving it, I hope one of my days starts like this.

Dracula you are fucked.  That whip is gonna sting like a bitch.

Dracula you are fucked. That whip is gonna sting like a bitch.

Reading Over.  Listening Beginning.

C ya!

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Awesome song of the day #63

Mark Mallman – Do you feel like breaking up?

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ANIMAL AWESOMENESS: SABERTOOTH TIGERS!

Posted in Animals, Awesome, Humor, Music, Nature, Science with tags , , , , , , , on October 15, 2009 by tsanda

Cats are awesome.  I know there are a lot of cat haters in the world.  I am not one.  I love kitties… (distant asshole voice yells, “why”).  Fair enough I will answer that question with another question.  Why arn’t cats awesome….?

I win debate club again.  Suck. It.

Plus you have to determine the radness of something by what it evolved from.  Birds = awesome, kids of velociraptors.  Humans = awesome, used to be monkeys.  Cats = awesome, yep sabertooth tigers.  Now take an animals that does what ever it wants to all day and give it giant fangs.  Fangs that are so awesome they were named after swords.

Ummmm yea... It is a deadly fast murderous walrus.

Ummmm yea... It is a deadly fast murderous walrus.

Here is the day of a Sabertooth Tiger.  Wake. Murder a Giraffe or T-Rex.  Eat it.  Nap for 18 hours.  Wake, tongue bath + some purring.  Killing resumes with a great white shark followed by a quick purrr sesh then another nap.  Everyday filled with bloody animal carcasses; fuck it’s friday today they would have eaten a hippopotamus or orange julius.

Did you know a Sabertooth has a sweet tooth? For your fucking skull. Science Proven!

Wonder what my tramp stamp is? Not anymore!

Wonder what my tramp stamp is? Not anymore!

If I have do die.  Please let a Sabertooth Tiger eat my brains through my eye sockets…please.  Best funeral ever!

Oprah – “It’s so sad…how did he die?”

Bill Nye The Science Guy – ” Sabertooth ate his head”

Oprah – “Radical” —— Jump high five with Bill Nye.

I can dream can’t I…I can dream.

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Awesome Song of The Day # 62

Shout Out Louds – Tonight I Have to Leave

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NATURE AWESOMENESS: VEGETARIAN SPIDERS

Posted in Uncategorized on October 13, 2009 by tsanda

QUICK PUNCH TO YOUR FACE FROM REALITY! THIS SPIDER IS ADORABLE AND WON’T EAT YOU IN YOUR SLEEP! (unless your a plant then your fucked)

http://fhsukams.wordpress.com/2009/10/13/first-vegetarian-spider-discovered/

WEAPON AWESOMENESS: BOOMERANGS!

Posted in Actors, Awesome, Humor, Movies, Music, Weapons with tags , , , , , , on October 12, 2009 by tsanda

Sorry to disappoint  all of you internet surfers who were looking for a commentary on the 80’s movie starring Eddie Murphy!  I’ve sadly never seen it, as it doesn’t fit my criteria for wanting to watch movies… Predators.  Ohhhh yea I am not shameless at all … link to my own genius…what now Oprah!  My only goal in life is to get Oprah as a regular reader.

Boomerangs seem  so practical … I can’t figure out why people who use spears don’t use boomerangs

Guy : Here throw this spear at that antelope / or ant eater which ever you prefer

Other Guy : I prefer the ant eater… and I hate spears if I miss what happens?

Guy : UHHHHHHHH (STUPID LOOK ON HIS FACE)

Other Guy: Yea thought so… unnecessary walking.  I need a weapon that comes back to me when I miss, and then when our culture becomes obsolete we can sell them to American tourists who will then throw them once and give up because its hard and then put it in a closet some where…

I mean look who uses them! Only the best and brightest

This kid saves australia from a bunch of gay dudes driving dune buggies...

This kid, with just a boomerang, saves Australia from a bunch of gay dudes driving dune buggies...

I figure we incorporate this same technology into other weapons.  If my uzi doesn’t kill all the crips I am trying to explode then i want all those bullets back for another drive by.  Bullets come back…slide into the barrel and back into the clip… ready for drive by #2.  I am gonna win the Nobel Violence Award for that invention.  Just you watch.

I just think boomerangs need a new spokesperson to get the word out there that boomerangs are all the rage with teenagers and such.  Like this guy…I bet he loves teenage boys!

Now put that picture in Maxim....cha ching... 4 billion boomerangs sold. Done

Now put that picture in Maxim....cha ching... 4 billion boomerangs sold. Done

Im done talking for the day… I hope you are done learning for the day.

Note : Don’t throw boomerangs at the sun.  They will start on fire.  And you will lose your toy.  FU SUN!

outs

Awesome Song of the Day #61

Ladyhawke – Magic

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TOXIC WASTE AWESOMENESS: TOXIC WASTE!

Posted in Awesome, Humor, Monsters, Movies, Music with tags , , , , on October 11, 2009 by tsanda

SIERRA CLUB/PETA/ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENGY are all way off base on toxic waste.  These hippies always tell companies “please don’t dump your toxic waste down the drain you may negatively effect nature.  I say nope.  You are wrong egg head hippies.  Only good things come from toxic waste.  Here is a discussion on what I mean.  What are you to do when you are a criminal and you are about to get killed by a robot policeman….I’d drive into some toxic waste.

Yea, he had the same idea I had.  Just don't get hit by a car...

Yea, he had the same idea I had. Just don't get hit by a car...

Because if your gonna go out you might as well go out with style and melting.

Point 2.  Look at the toxic avenger.  One day some loser, can’t pull girlies can’t do bicep curls just can’t get ahead in life.  Take his bullshitness + barrel of Toxic waste…. answer to all of his humanly deficiencies

Look at that girlie! she loves the avenger! look at those biceps!

Look at that girlie! she loves the avenger! look at those biceps! I need to find a barrel of toxic waste!

I mean if that didn’t prove it I don’t know what will!  What is the worse thing that can happen?  Toxic wastey gorilla viper tiger unicorns.  I mean yea terrifying but i would like to get into a fist fight with on of those.

AND AND AND AND!! AND The mutant turtles … toxic waste.  Eight Legged Freaks ! TOXIC WASTE SPIDERS! THE HOST TOXIC WASTE FISH (serious note of the day… go rent the host! kicks fucking ass! and do it before the shit american remake comes out!)

So what have I enlightened you to this time around?

1) Robocop is the best movie about a toxic waste guy who gets hit by a car and explodes

2) Unicorns were extincted by toxic waste.

CHOW!

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #60

PRGz – Bama Gettin Money / Diplo Remix

Song is straight first degree murder.

No I have no idea what that means either but they better not get arrested cause that stuff is serious!

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