HOLIDAY AWESOMENESS: HALLOWEEN!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Says the fake tombstone in my neighbors front yard!  I thought he had killed somebody and buried them in his yard, I was super excited to not be the only one in the neighborhood known for killing people and burying them in the yard.  Which is a huge misconception because I actually eat them and sex up their dead bodies.  So silly to just bury them, I am like a native American I use all of the corpse.  I am eco friendly.  The green cereal killer I am known as in the cereal killer world.  This is weird, mom I don’t eat people….? Nice.

 

Note: perverts you do not stick your dick in these!

 

 

I mean finally! A holiday for us vegetable carvers of the world.  I tried to get smoke signals out of style by carving words into cucumbers and throwing them in the air.  It wasn’t very successful but we had a lot of pickles later so that was kinda cool.

You know what is sweet about halloween it combines all my favorite things.  I get to dress all sorts of seductive.  This is me from last year.

UGHHH HUHHH THEY ARE REAL!

Secondly, I get a lot of free candy, Lastly, I get to give kids fruit with razor blades in it.  IT IS LIKE WIN WIN WIN!  HERE KID EAT THIS RAZOR BLADE!!! Oh you don’t want unwrapped items? Cool I rewraped this starburst and put acid on it! ENJOY YOUR TRIP! THERE ARE MONSTERS UNDER YOUR BED! WHAT!

Sorry i love halloween.  Time to go put on my garter and get down!  See you sometime tommorow.  Please hold my hair while I vomit.

BOOO!

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #65

OCTOPUS PROJECT – Bees Bein Stugglin (awesome)

 

NATURE AWESOMENESS: NIGHT TIME!

I went to another portion of these states.  Texas. Surprisingly I wasn’t shot and the goat I brought wasn’t raped it was a really eye opening experience. Sometimes things really are just stereotypes!  So I was sleeping last night and I was thinking about zombies and popcorn, well not pop corn just orvelle reddinbocker. The point is when else can I have a mental party with the living dead and that popped corn guy?  Not day time, thats when I have to press buttons and thinks stuffs.  But at night time, I only have to drink Pabst blue ribbon and not get attacked by the ghouls who live under my bed.

What does nighttime mean to me?

Yea it is just a black picture! I am Hilarious! the night is black!

Well I am not a cat and I can’t see what goes on at night either!  Why is it that things get so much scarier at night time?  I would say because it is all the monsters that come out at night time.  Or the child molesters.  Yea the child molesters are why.  You don’t think things are scarier at night? You know what hawaii looks like when the sun turns off?

Hawaii is such a liar.

QUESTION! KING OF THE JUNGLE? LION / KING OF POP? MORGAN FREEMAN / KING OF THE NIGHT?

KITTIES! YOU DON'T THINK THEY RUN THE NIGHT? TRY SEEING AT NIGHT, OHH YOU CAN'T? WELL SKITTLES HERE CAN AND DRANK YOUR MILK....

KEEP LOOKING FOR MORE AWESOMENESS IN THE FUTURE!

BYE!

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #64

WHEN IN ROME – THE PROMISE

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VIDEO GAME AWESOMENESS: CASTLEVANIA!

Now don’t expect a lot of specifics because I haven’t played this in 15 years nor did I play any of the sequels but I do remember the name and that you are trying to kill Dracula.  P.S. why is Dracula not in the word spell check database?  I mean if I were Miriam Webster the first word I want to know how to spell is Dracula.  Followed closely by Kazoo.  I have a love hate relationship with Dracula on the one hand I love him. On the other I hate him.

Angry mob that was trying to kill dracula that is now pissed at me for my lack of specifics – “why do you love him”

Answer – His life is incredible.  He lives in a castle.  Super neat.  He is surrounded by undead slave women who only want to please and protect him.  I have to pay a lot of money for that kind of treatment and I usually only get herpes out of the deal.

Same mob slightly less angry – “okay fair enough, why do you hate him”

Answer – That jerk didn’t friend me on facebook.  He was to busy super poking Frankenstein and posting pictures of his camping trip with the Wolf Man.

Mob – “Okay we will go back to trying to kill Dracula, your off the hook….For now…”

Anywhoooo.  The main reason I love Castlevania (again another word that I am shocked is not in spell check), is the balls the main hero has.  I am going to kill bats, monsters, the undead and ultimately Dracula.  Van Pussing brings cross bows and magic bibles … all I need is whip.  Your going to whip Dracula to death? Yep Yeppers.  Aight good luck with that shit.  Can I have your X box when you die immediately. … And you Fight Fish people!

AHHH WHIP IT!

Way to much reading involved with this post sorry.  I promise not much more!  Last reason for loving it, I hope one of my days starts like this.

Dracula you are fucked. That whip is gonna sting like a bitch.

Reading Over.  Listening Beginning.

C ya!

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Awesome song of the day #63

Mark Mallman – Do you feel like breaking up?

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