Archive for September, 2009

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #57

Posted in Awesome, Humor, Monsters, Music with tags , , , , on September 30, 2009 by tsanda

So today I found a song.  I had a song treasure map and it lead me to the most dancey place on Earth.

Boys Noize – Jeffer

for your visual and audio over stimulation.

On an unrelated note remember it is soon to be all wintery outside across the northern world.  Watch out for Abominable Snowmen!  Or the Abdominal Snowman…

Yea that thing exists... much sexier than the snow bigfoot

Yea, that thing exists... much sexier than the snow big-foot ... much less scary though, and much less hairy, but i bet this guy shaves...

Enjoy your camel day.  See you in my dreams.

Out

TERRIFYING AWESOMENESS: TRAP DOOR SPIDERS!

Posted in Actors, Animals, Awesome, Humor, Monsters with tags , , , , , , on September 28, 2009 by tsanda

So get this image, no copyright, you sit down to eat a picnic.  Your family and puppy are with you.  You have a pic-a-nic basket full of ba-low-knee sandwiches and some welches grapefruit juice boxes.

Why did you put the sandwiches in a bowl you asshole! another picnic ruined!

Why did you put the sandwiches in a bowl you asshole! another picnic ruined!

You put down your blanket and say a prayer.  Something like, “Dear Jesus thank you for being God.  The End.  Bye, and PS I want a puppy.  Then God answers – “douche with the ugly family, I’m God not Santa…” Then you open your eyes and your dog is running away and you wonder where is Timmy? Your wife screams and you realize you sat on a TRAP DOOR! and a spider just ate your sandwiches … well and your son… but you were really hungry!

I am a Trap Door Spider and I love Sandwiches

I am a Trap Door Spider and I love Sandwiches

So, I don’t go anywhere near the outside for 3 reasons.

1) Trap Door Spiders – you never know when you are going to fall into the depths of the planet and get violently raped by a giant spider.  Or get spider web on your face. I know that is soooo annnoying!

2) Y2K – wait a tick, that shit is long over! The world didn’t end! Ahhh I owe Tony Danza 50 bucks.  Damnit.

3) Trap Door Spiders – I know that’s #1 but they have trap doors! You will never know where that shit could be! Find the trap door here.

FUCK! IT COULD BE ANYWHERE! AHHHHHHHH!!!! RUN!!!! SPIDERS IN MY HAIR! AHHHH!!

FUCK! IT COULD BE ANYWHERE! AHHHHHHHH!!!! RUN!!!! SPIDERS IN MY HAIR! AHHHH!!

Look at the trap door spider.  Hairy, leggy, spidery, hidey, trapdoory, eats human babies and unicorns.  Yea, fact. Unicorns were extinct by trap door spiders.  I would bet Tony Danza 50 bucks that Trap Door Spiders are radioactive and can fly too… If you have a video of a trap door spider flying and glowing green send to me, I need to win some bucks back from the trash collecting field goal kicker family movie guy.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #56 (aka how did I wait so long!)

Bebeee booo bee bee boop boop beee bee bee boop boop boop beeep beeeep booop booop beee be bbeee boppp dee dee deep boop booop (repeat 100x)

DARUDE – SANDSTORM

What are they running from? Trap door spiders.  Duh.

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INTERGALACTIC AWESOMENESS: THE SUN!

Posted in Awesome, Dork, Explosions, Humor, Music, Space with tags , , , , on September 27, 2009 by tsanda

Soooooo, I was staring at the sun today and went blind which reminded me who was the boss.  The sun, if it wanted, of course it could explode the planet Earth with flame balls and explosions.  Do you know what happens on the sun everyday? Solar Explosions!  The Sun sends out cosmic Hadukens all day ever day!  If you fell onto the sun not only would your face melt off but so would your pants!  Then your balls would get burnt and you’d have no pants! You would be so embarassed trying to hitch hike with aliens back to Earth!

Me - "Hey Sun! Stop exploding Venus! It's just a little guy!" - the Sun "fuck venus"

Me - "Hey Sun! Stop exploding Venus! It's just a little guy!" - the Sun "fuck venus"

Well Venus is gone.  Which is fine, Venus always made me think of veiny penises anyways. (i’ll give you some time to let that sink in).  I once heard some guy on the street tell me that the sun not only burns at a trazillion degrees but that it burns at blue when its sad!  Like a mood ring or mood eye patch, which is what Pirates used to wear.

Me - "It's okay sun, I know you miss Venus, but you were the one who melted it with all those explosions."  The Sun - "I... know...(sniffles and trembling lower lip)"

Me - "It's okay sun, I know you miss Venus, but you were the one who melted it with all those explosions." The Sun - "I... know...(sniffles and trembling lower lip)"

I also heard some “scientist” tell me that the sun is actually a smaller sized star and there are countless other stars that are bigger, brighter and hotter.  I said, scientist you’re obviously not a scientist of english, cause if there were more than 1, why is ours called THE SUN, not just, Some Sun In the Midst Of Millions Of Other Suns That May Or May Not Be Bigger Or Better… He said, what are the other stars then… to that I said, no more questions! and then this…

Suck it Scientist!

Suck it Scientist!

Then I ran away cause the cops saw me and apparently you can’t kick scientist in the nutz.  Whatever America! I am going to Soviet country.

END!

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Awesome song of the Day #55 Goes out to all my Peeps in NYC!

They Might Be Giants – New York City

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QUESTION OF AWESOMENESS: 1 PICTURE TO RULE THE WORLD!

Posted in Actors, Awesome, Music, The 80's with tags , , , on September 24, 2009 by tsanda

Duders and Boobers. I come to you in a moment of our greatest world crisis! Heathcare Hells no! Iraq? Forget about mister! Which Jean Claude Van Damme Image is better????? You bet your ass!

Option 1. The title I gave it is – Melody in the Pacific + KICK!

Look at that water fly! I hope he didn't kick a fish! Fish are going to be endangered if Van Damme doesn't stop kicking!

Look at that water fly! I hope he didn't kick a fish! Fish are going to be endangered if Van Damme doesn't stop kicking!

and #2) In your face Snake!

The rattlers are high in protein and anti venom.  Venom comes out mouth...anti venom comes out of butt

The rattlers are high in protein and anti venom. Venom comes out mouth...anti venom comes out of butt

Which picture make you feel like a complete human being? BOTH I KNOW! HIGH FIVE AND JUMP FIST PUMP!

BYE!

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #54 –

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I love you too!

SNACK AWESOMENESS: COOKIE DOUGH!

Posted in Awesome, Exclamation Points, Food, Humor with tags , , , on September 23, 2009 by tsanda

I took a few days off.  Crying.  It’s cold here in CO. CO means Colorado!  It is a square state, shaped like the letter square.  It has stupid states all around it! CO is full of Karate Chops (knife hand technique) and Scissor Kicks, which I perfected and taught you about.  It snowed around Denver city area, I live in the Denver city area.  You better not come looking for my house or you will get plenty of knife hand techniques to the jugular (fyi your dead then).

I was surfing the net for cupcake pictures.  In between my searching for pictures of boxing gorillas and taco’s.  Laid my eyes on this and did sexual things in my trousers.  XXX alert!  Maybe the XXX alert should have come before the XXX part.  Still working out the bugs.

I know that this is heaven on earth! ohhh baby heaven is a place called cookie dough cupcakes.

I know that this is heaven on earth! ohhh baby heaven is a place called cookie dough cupcakes.

So I went and bought cookie dough ice cream, because the cupcakes look really hard to make… and I would just end up eating the dough! Cause Gosh! It is yummy!. I don’t think I need a period after a exclamation point.  Somebody who majors in english things tell me!. ARG!

Then as I sat and watched the view and ate cookie dough Ice Cream I realized that I have found my calling in the world.  1) this blog, I bring so much happiness to the 8 ( and counting! ) people who trek to this area a month.  2) eat cookie dough in every shape and form it exists in.  Cookie dough, sandwiches, cookie dough bagels, cookie dough hats, cookie dough edible underwear!  If I missed any just let me know.  So I will begin my search tommorow, its the 10th crusade except me versus the Muslims its me vs. cookie dough! Im coming for you mother fucker! Get ready to digest!  Damn it I just drooled on my keyboard.

I decided I have to many nightmares.  Usually about the world being out of cookie dough and nuclear winter.  So I made a cookie dough bed, but I ate it.  Crap! Tummy ache!

I used to sleep in this... now I am a diabetic ... but oohhh baby it was worth it.

I used to sleep in this... now I am a diabetic ... but oohhh baby it was worth it.

So bring me Cookie and I will save you from Death! Unless It’s death itself … your on your fucking own!

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY! #53

WOLF PARADE – MODERN WORLD

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DID YOU KNOW AWESOMENESS #2: SCISSOR KICKS

Posted in Awesome, Did you know?, Humor, Music with tags , , , , on September 19, 2009 by tsanda

I like to enlighten the masses whenever possible.  My knowledged filled brain could fill a barn with stuff you don’t know! A big barn! A red barn.  This barn!

This is filled with stupid brains.  I'm gonna burn it!  I don't like that tree.  Looks like an asshole.  Get outta my pic tree!

This is filled with stupid brains. I'm gonna burn it! I don't like that tree. Looks like an asshole. Get outta my pic tree!

So did you know this?

Scissor kicks do not in fact have anything to do with Scissors? Unless of course you kick a pair of scissors, which sounds like a terrible idea, unless of course you Jet Li.  Then you would just explode those scissors.  Brain exercises done.  Enjoy your nap.

Bye

Awesome Song of the Day #52

Empire of The Sun – We are the People

Yes, they are weirdo’s but they make nice sounding tunes.  Just weird weird guys, kinda fit in here, but it’s saturday so I don’t have feathers in my hair today.  Ohh well the close up at about  1 minute of the dude on the bike is incredible.  That guy looks suspicious! I bet he is about to start dancing.

DONE! EAT IT WEDNESDAY! SATURDAY IS AWESOME!

DORK AWESOMENESS: THE MILLENNIUM FALCON!

Posted in Aliens, Awesome, Explosions, Humor, Monsters, Movies, Stuff with tags , , , , , , on September 16, 2009 by tsanda

Im a pretty huge dork, nerd, bassanova.  But occasionally I want to let me dork flag fly…as high as possible, which is pretty incredible seeing the other dorky stuff I like to discuss, such as Easy-bake oven vs. bathtub gin, which is better for kids.  You know where my dork flag pole is? Top of the Millennium Falcon.  If flaps in the winds of cloud city and it is only raised to half mast on the anniversary of the explosion of the Planet Alderaan.

I once lost an intergalactic space ship in a poker game to Han...It's okay your not alone.

I once lost an intergalactic space ship in a poker game to Han...It's okay you're not alone.

It can do everything.  Fly, hyperspace jumping, attaching to Star Destroyers (which lets be honest if our Space Navy was called Star Destroyers Americans would still want to go to Mars and we would probably demand that we blow up the sun…) They also float around in trash and land on asteroids which turn out to be monsters, ohh sounds scary? Nope they can also outrun space asteroid monsters.  Thats a fucking scary asteroid though.  What if the asteroid from Armageddon (your welcome) had a space monster in it?  Bruce “whatcha talkin bout” Willis would have blownd it all sorts of up and then the space monster would have just fallen to EARTH and eaten Jersey.  Second thought, might be worth it…except all that hair gel would have gotten stuck in the monsters mouth and probably killed it.

I mean how do you bet that thing in  game of intergalactic space cards…Lando you Idiot!

I think Millennium Falcon means like 1000 falcons...thats so many talons!

I think Millennium Falcon means like 1000 falcons...thats so many talons!

What did we learn today? Millennium has to the next hardest word to spell after those flying dinosaur things.

Awesome Search to find my blog of the day: “coolest pictures of real live monkeys” Yep somebody found this blog with that search.  Not only are they looking for real and live monkeys but the coolest. Too bad here they only found the shittiest fake dead pumpkin photos.  In your face grandma’s, learn how to google!

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Awesome Song Of the Day # 51

Kid Cudi – Pursuit of Happiness

Come back later for more bullshit!