So I am obviously a fan of monsters.  You know what is better than fake monsters, nothing.  But you know what is almost as cool as fake monsters.  Real monsters, I bet you thought I was going to say F-16s, well I was but F-16s don’t fight and kill whales.  Though it would be pretty awesome to shoot a missile at a whale.  Tragic in the vein of eco-friendly behavior, but awesome in the vein of awesomeness.  My doctors classes told me that the awesomeness vein is the left ventricle.

Giant squids are so badass that they are rarely seen by humans because they end up eating human faces for breakfast/brunch (with cantelope)/lunch and dinner.  They have pistachio ice cream for dessert.  They used to have chocolate ice cream but it gave them heart burn.

Squids Love This Shit, Saw It On National Geographic Special Animals Love Ice Cream

Squids Love This Shit, Saw It On National Geographic Special Animals Love Ice Cream

Do you know how we find Squids,  dead on the beach.  They would rather not get captured and be put in an aquarium so they commit Seppuku.  If you don’t want to force your brain to look over that page of awesome words, it’s when a Squid grabs a sword and disembowels themselves.  Not sure how but I think the Jet Stream carries swords around waiting for Giant Squids that want to die.  Yeah….thats good.

I even heard Giant Squids are full of gold.

He is looking for the Gold.

He is looking for the Gold. Or fondling it...Pervert

Giant squids are like the end of rainbows.

So I lied about the Giant Squid never being seen before.  I have exclusive shots of a massive Giant Squid attack.  I took it myself.  Don’t laugh my camera is very old.  Like those ones with the cape that goes over your head and a huge hand held flash devise.  No big deal it’s a classic.  Polish your eyeballs for this explosure of nature.

Thats my boat... it's wooden... it's neat.

Thats my boat... it's wooden... it's neat.

So…I will make you a proposition.  Go catch me a giant squid and bring it to me and put it in my pool so I can ride it.  But first you need to come to my house and dig me a pool.  Then fill it water… Or Jello.  Then we are set.   Thanks, your a sweetheart.  Bye!



Drake, Wayne, Kayne, Em – Forever



  1. Man, I told you pistachio ice cream was a bad idea for boat ballast.

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