Archive for August, 2009

FISH/MONSTER AWESOMENESS: GIANT SQUIDS!

Posted in Animals, Humor, Monsters, Music, Science on August 31, 2009 by tsanda

So I am obviously a fan of monsters.  You know what is better than fake monsters, nothing.  But you know what is almost as cool as fake monsters.  Real monsters, I bet you thought I was going to say F-16s, well I was but F-16s don’t fight and kill whales.  Though it would be pretty awesome to shoot a missile at a whale.  Tragic in the vein of eco-friendly behavior, but awesome in the vein of awesomeness.  My doctors classes told me that the awesomeness vein is the left ventricle.

Giant squids are so badass that they are rarely seen by humans because they end up eating human faces for breakfast/brunch (with cantelope)/lunch and dinner.  They have pistachio ice cream for dessert.  They used to have chocolate ice cream but it gave them heart burn.

Squids Love This Shit, Saw It On National Geographic Special Animals Love Ice Cream

Squids Love This Shit, Saw It On National Geographic Special Animals Love Ice Cream

Do you know how we find Squids,  dead on the beach.  They would rather not get captured and be put in an aquarium so they commit Seppuku.  If you don’t want to force your brain to look over that page of awesome words, it’s when a Squid grabs a sword and disembowels themselves.  Not sure how but I think the Jet Stream carries swords around waiting for Giant Squids that want to die.  Yeah….thats good.

I even heard Giant Squids are full of gold.

He is looking for the Gold.

He is looking for the Gold. Or fondling it...Pervert

Giant squids are like the end of rainbows.

So I lied about the Giant Squid never being seen before.  I have exclusive shots of a massive Giant Squid attack.  I took it myself.  Don’t laugh my camera is very old.  Like those ones with the cape that goes over your head and a huge hand held flash devise.  No big deal it’s a classic.  Polish your eyeballs for this explosure of nature.

Thats my boat... it's wooden... it's neat.

Thats my boat... it's wooden... it's neat.

So…I will make you a proposition.  Go catch me a giant squid and bring it to me and put it in my pool so I can ride it.  But first you need to come to my house and dig me a pool.  Then fill it water… Or Jello.  Then we are set.   Thanks, your a sweetheart.  Bye!

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AWESOME SONG OF THEY DAY#46

Drake, Wayne, Kayne, Em – Forever

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MONSTER AWESOMENESS: WEREWOLVES!

Posted in Awesome, Dork, Explosions, Humor, Monsters, Movies, Music with tags , , , , , , , on August 28, 2009 by tsanda

So the google images is usually my best pal ever, since it saves me actually doing any work for this thing but today it totally ruined my day.  So I spent all day with a hard on for posting today, and I knew from minute 1 of today.  Well I guess not minute 1 that was right after midnight and I was busy eating T Bell and trying not to preemptively shit my pants.  See T bell makes me shitty, (which yes is an adjective, or adverb… whatever English language, you are super fucking tough…maybe its a dangling modifier or a square root…nope)  and back to me shitting myself.  So T bell is really high quality but gives me a gassy senstaion called shitting myself, my coworkers hate it, but my laundromat loves it… well they actually hate it to…but no big deal….what the crap am I talking about.

….

Ahh yea werewolves.  So at minute roughly 376 of today I got the idea of raving about how cool werewolves are….which granted they are.  The only proof you need is right here. Now you hopefully watched that trailer because it said…”it will blow your house down” and then a house blew up… now if this website made that trailer it would have said blow your house up… We just have a really special attention to detail. Like Steven Hawking…if he read at a 6th grade level…and colored….and used spirograph.

….

Ahhhhh and yea back to werewolves….so you don’t need much convincing of their awesomeness.  Once a month they become giant scary dog monsters and go kill and eat humans.  Awesome… and people can’t get enough of them…I go kill a couple hookers once a month and all of a sudden I am a horrible person…go figure.

So I wanted a shit ton of cool pics for my site to show off how sweet werewolves are….and all I get are these…the Gayest/stupidest/most retarded/fucking what the fuck pictures ever…..although I d probably wear the middle one as a shirt if i could….

1. Google Images Let Down #1

Ewwww...god is an asshole

Ewwww...god is an asshole

So I think okay beginners bad luck.  How about something down the page. And this Gem.

#2)

Yea its kinda queerish but its hilarious and you'd totally wear that shirt

Yea its kinda queerish but its hilarious and you'd totally wear that shirt

and #3, from color by numbers I am pretty sure.

Werewolves don't need Armor, they need bazookas or kazoos ...or both...

Werewolves don't need Armor, they need bazookas or kazoos ...or both...

Now don’t get me wrong, I still think werewolves are pretty kick ass….google just didn’t do it for me…these are horrible, well #2 is pretty fricken baller…

but then it dawned on me….like dawn.  That all I needed was just a little more Dog Soldiers in my life…and you need it to.

Kablaaawww...you head is not exploded...sorry and your welcome

Kablaaawww...you head is now exploded...sorry and your welcome

So this post officially makes about as much sense as this…

Hey Juggalos stop being fucking stupid and deliver my pizza already

Hey Juggalos stop being fucking stupid and deliver my pizza already

I want an otter pop

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Awesome Song of The Day # 45 ( definitely not ICP )

Band of Horses – Cold Fame

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This post took me an hour…thats 57 minutes longer than normal.  Where does the time go…ahhhhh byyyyeeee

FOOD AWESOMENESS: MUFFINS!

Posted in Animals, Awesome, Food, Humor, Stuff with tags , , , , , , , on August 5, 2009 by tsanda

I bet your eating a muffin right now.  

Probably one of dem otis spunkmayers…dems shittsss is ballin.  

Funny that some baker was like I love the shape of mushrooms but I am sick of seeing purple monsters and melting faces, and guess what?! I also love cake. Solution = Shape – psychedelia – manure (shit) + cake + love = This Picture?

I think this one is minus the manure....I sure hope so....yea i'd eat it anyways.  Doo Doo!

I think this one is minus the manure....I sure hope so....yea i'd eat it anyways. Doo Doo!

Barack Obama should institute a universal muffin proposal..I’d vote for that a million times.  I think thats how voting works right?  Like NBA allstar game… which will be sweet when Yao Ming has been retired for 14 years but China still votes him number 1 in the voting.  Odd usually don’t get into Yao Ming tangents.  Guess I’ve got tall Asians on the mind.  BACK TO FUCKING MUFFINS!

Not like back to fucking muffins like having sex with one….but…wait…that doesn’t actually sound horrible.  Actually sounds oddly deliciously sexy.

Back to my Universal Muffin proposal

Question: Can I have a Muffin while taking a shower?

Obama: Yes and I will bring it to you.

Question: Can I have blueberry.

Obama: Yes

Question: Can I have one crush my car?

Obama:???????? Sure

 

New Proposal - Muffins for Clunkers.  Where can I get that muffin and who is selling my whip?

New Proposal - Muffins for Clunkers. Where can I get that muffin and who is selling my whip?

You thought, can this dude really talk about muffins for this long.  Yes.

I mean have you had a muffin you didn’t like? Of course not, thats like saying I saw an old person fall over on America’s Funniest Home Videos and did not laugh.

WARNING THE VIDEO THAT FOLLOWS IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER. 

Increadible

Muffins!

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Awesome Song of The Day # 44

John Parr – St. Elmo’s Fire

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If you scrolled all the way down here you are a sucka! But a very dediated reader and for that I give you another video.

CATS!

Trust me it is awesome

wow I am easily Entertained.

DEAD AWESOMENESS: GHOSTS!

Posted in Actors, Awesome, Children, Dork, Humor, Monsters, Movies, Music on August 3, 2009 by tsanda

See, there are alot of doubters out there, we didn’t land on the moon, the holocaust never happened, big bird doesn’t exists…blah blah blah.  But you know which one gets me.  Ghosts, they are of course real…who else buys are the chains home depot sells, have you ever bought chain? Nope, only Quentin Rampage Jackson and he only needed about 2 feet worth.  I’ve lost all of you? Ghosts rattle chains around to scare people…duh.  Let this horrible image teach what I can’t obviously write in words.

 

wow that picture is lame as shit...my fans just went from 4 to 3.  Sorry mom I know you were holding out for better but I failed you!

wow that picture is lame as shit...my fans just went from 4 to 3. Sorry mom I know you were holding out for better but I failed you!

I myself have had personal experience with a ghost.  We went out on a lovely date, he brought me flowers, took me out for italian food than made my sink water turn to blood and made all my silverware fly out of the drawers.  Unfortunetly, I found out he was already married and it was a big disappointment.  Ugh…Boys…

Why is that Ghosts that are caught on camera are always doing the stupidest shit ever.  Like walking up stairs or in cemeteries, dude…Ghosts, those places are scary go see a movie…I’ve heard UP is delightful.  HAHA! I bet all the little kids who wanted to click on a link for UP were just horrified! Victory, In your face stupid kids!

But I mean seriously look at this “proof”

 

What the Fuck? Is this elementary school gym?

What the Fuck? Is this an elementary school gym?

Pedophile fucking ghosts, get your jollies elsewhere!  Just not me in the shower, I am very shy.

Honestly, I don’t get it, why sit in the bleachers at an elementary school basketball game or presidential fitness test day? When you can walk through walls and hang out with hollow man!?!?!? And what the fuck are these Ghosts doing??  What did Ice Cube ever do to you…!?

 

Jason Straitham was in that movie? I'm seeing it...wait I already saw it in the Theatre, yep I am a loser.

Jason Straitham was in that movie? I'm seeing it...wait I already saw it in the Theatre, yep I am a loser.

So, if you go to Mars watch out for Ghosts that look like Marilyn Manson, or just remember to take Ice Cube with you.  He will protect you with a shot gun or taser or foul language.

Man ohhhh Mannn Good monday!!

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Awesome Song of the Day #43

Sunset Rubdown – Shut Up I am Dreaming of Places of Places Where Lovers Have Wings – Live – Incredible Ending

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