MOVIE AWESOMENESS: CRITTERS!


Critters came out in 1986 to positive reviews and two thumbs up by Siskel and Ebert, although they gave everything two thumbs up so I am not sure that tag really holds any weight, maybe in the 80’s if it was two thumbs up from Ronald Reagan and The Ultimate Warrior it would be a lot cooler. Supposedly came out to cash in on the Gremlins popularity even though Critters was written a long before Gremlins came out.  Both are awesome too so why can’t we all just get along.  The basic premise is a ship full of escaped prisoner aliens travels through space to avoid bounty hunters.  So far so good.  They crash land on earth and all they want to do is eat humans and get big and strong.  And Billy Zane is not only in it but he dies! What is not to love.

 

Your everyday farm family and two faceless bounty hunters

Your everyday farm family and two faceless bounty hunters

So the aliens, the Crits, land.  Eat some people and some cows too.  Nobody really knows about it just yet cause they are hiding under cars and in barns.  They eat a police officer and attack billy zane. Those aliens must not have liked Sniper.  The bounty hunters come and must choose faces, cause they are obviously faceless,  so Terrence Mann chooses the rocker Johnny Steal.  His feathered bangs are ready to kick alien ass.  One of the aliens eats a lot of people and cows and because the size of a human.  The daughter is kidnapped by the aliens for a space snack but the family teams up with the bounty hunters and the daughter and the Earth and are saved.  Minus 1 Billy Zane.  Moment of silence. 

Some of the Spaceship graphics/props are really cheesy. But the creature effects are awesome.  The Critters look great and may not move great cause they are just puppets but I will take puppets over CGI any day of the week.

 

Hungry Mutha Fuckers eating my picnic!

Hungry Mutha Fuckers Eating My Picnic!

To top it off these little hand help puppet aliens are funny as hell.  All they do is destroy stuff, eat people and throw around the f-word.  Best part of the movie? Easy, when one of the critters tries to talk to the ET doll and ends up eating it because it won’t talk back…fucking ET had it coming.

 

ET in the Left Corner, Critter in the Right Corner.  Critter easy winner.

ET in the Left Corner, Critter in the Right Corner. Critter easy winner.

 

 

Thanks Critters.  Just don’t make them like this anymore.

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Awesome song of the Day #32

Xzibit – “Paparazzi” 

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