NATURE AWESOMENESS: VENUS FLYTRAP!


NOM NOM NOM. We don’t normally think of plants when we think of cold blooded, carnivorous, killers with no remorse.  We usually think of assassins, ninjas, great white sharks, rancor, Richard Simmons or Black Holes.  But to be a true OG killer you must inspire fear in all those around you and rule the world, you have to be inconspicuous and heartless.  Enter the Venus Fly Trap.

 

This Thing Will Eat Your Face Or Your Baby...Don't Turn Your Back For a Second...

This Thing Will Eat Your Face Or Your Baby...Don't Turn Your Back For a Second...

Now, your probably thinking; dude, it’s a plant I could step on it and it would shrivel and die.  Possibly I say,  have you ever tried? I saw a fly try that once and it was devoured like me on a 5 dollar footlong. (ohhhh you jokesters, no I am not talking about a dick either)  Plus, your probably right, but you have to think in terms of size and proportions.  Can you imagine a plant that ate humans that made us resemble a fly? Need Help.  Don’t worry I’ve got your back.

 

Now Your Shitting Your Pants.  Ewww Better Change Those...

Now Your Shitting Your Pants. Ewww Better Change Those...

  I think Little Shop of Horrors is the perfect precautionary tale.  Boy likes girl, boy likes plant, boy feeds plant humans, plant tries to eat girl, boy kills plant.  I mean it works on so many levels in our everyday life….

Take me for example…boy meets girl, boy buys plant, boy forgets to water plant and it dies.  I mean it’s practically the same thing. Death and Love, life is so simple, and romantic. ahhhhhhhh.

But really, could you imagine just being a meal worm… your life already kinda sucks; what you are is in your name, A MEAL, for some other animal.  I mean if you were born an Appetizer human … you would be pretty bummed.  So your just inching your way across the world, dodging birds, and beetles, snakes, rats, caribou, dracula…and you inch your way into a cool, shady plant.  You crawl across plants all the time, they like bugs, don’t bother bugs.  Then chomp your dead! FUCK!  Yea…think about it.

Visual Aid:

 

AHHHH IM SAFE IN HERE. (thats what Saddam said in that hole)

AHHHH IM SAFE IN HERE. (thats what Saddam said in that hole)

I think we need to watch our backs.  Plants are getting pretty cocky.  Eating bugs, next it’s birds, then buffalos, then Al Franken (which is no big loss, but that would mean I am next)…

DON’T MAKE ME SAY I TOLD YOU SO.

FIN

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY 14!

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