CLOTHING AWESOMENESS: SOCKS
Feet are usually pretty gross. They walk on dirt, hot coals, water (show off Jesus). They sweat more than 12 arm pits hanging out in a butt-hole, sitting in a sauna on the sun. They are usually hairy and for some reason are always cold. Luckily for mermaids they don’t have feet so they have nothing to worry about. So if your a mermaid stop reading this shit now! Wait… if your a mermaid how the hell are you getting your computer to work under the sea!
What is the best part of the day? Putting on socks. Best part of your life? Putting on a new pair of socks. Putting on a fresh pair of socks is like have a polar bear skin wrapped around your feet while they are messaged by angels hair. When the weather outside gets a little frightful, no I’m not talking about a vampire tsunami. But rather a gentle snow storm (can gentle and storm be used in the same sentence… well I used vampire tsunami so I guess it doesn’t really matter), what do you want more than a warm bath? or a fire… or heated floors? Big Warm Wool Socks. They should make full body one piece wool socks. Day dream moment.
They now make socks that have separate toes, socks that have tassels, socks that fly and socks that travel back into time. I may have made a few of those up. But the most important design progression in socks is the slow elimination of the need for shoes. Shoes are aight, don’t get me wrong, someday the Nike Dunks will get their moment of glory when the clouds part and the sky lights up a pair but until then we can just enjoy these sweet puppies.
But most shoes/styles are utilitarian at best. But now you can wear awesome socks that not only caress your 10 little piggies but people will think you’re wearing shoes… you can easily fool the lady at 7/11 into thinking you have shoes on… but I wouldn’t recommend going into a 7/11 without a pair of shoes on… or 2, unless you want gonorrhea on your feet. Then by all means.
Lesson Review – What are gross? Feet, what should be covered at all times, feet. What do you do that with? Socks (i’ll let slippers slide when your sick…) What can be made to look like shoes? Socks. I wish I had more feet so I could have more socks on.
AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #13