TECHNOLOGY AWESOMENESS: JET PACKS
Jet Packs. THEY ARE ALSO CALLED ROCKET BELTS FOR FUCKS SAKE!
I’ll wait for your day dream to end….Mine isn’t over yet……………..okay I am back….I had the greatest day dream. I was flying my jet pack to the moon for some cheese (cause the moon is made of cheese silly!) After I got some good gouda I took my jet pack to Hawaii and chilled in a waterfall with Rhianna (fuck you chris brown). Man, dreams are the shit…
But, sadly 5/9 American think Jet Packs are the things of dreams (it is a real statistic…our team of dedicated statistician would never make this up for ease of work), and terrible movies like the Rocketeer, classily renamed by us, The Cocketeer. It’s really deep and mature I know…I don’t expect everybody to get it.
They are in fact very real have the power to make anybody cool.
Can you imagine how baller your entrance to everything would be. Not a big catastrophe like that loser who parachutes into places, and gets tangled in boxing matches and Don King’s hair…I mean it is just an unnecessary mess. You would slowly rocket down to slow (I don’t think they use a speedometer, rather it’s just Slow, Medium, Fast, Fast as Fuck and HOLY SHIT turn this fucker down!), get your ticket cut, rocket over to the refreshments, by an ice-E, probably cherry flavored, rocket to your seat, sit, I guess it wouldn’t be sitting it would be, land. So land in your seat, see all the ladies checking you out, notice the guy you lit of fire next to you…sorry Don King, and enjoy the show. Win/Win – unless your Don King, then your hair is on fire…and some guy in a parachute is tangled in it.
Cool thing about Jet Packs is that only nerds have them, cause non-nerds can’t make a jet pack. So you want some street cred with the ladies, or you want to stop getting swirlies, do what beeker from the muppets did. Jet Pack, duh.
Now, sadly some people have tried to ruin the jet pack. To make a jet pack you either need to be super super super duper smart (beeker) or be super super smart and have a billion dollars. I’ve tried, you sadly can’t make a jet pack out of house hold materials. I mean a couple metal pipes, some spray paint, a lighter and a bucket of gasoline. Nope…I know! sounds like it would be perfect… sadly I don’t have eye brows anymore. No big deal.
Some people try to hard…Jet packs are supposed to be sleek and stylish. James Bond has jet packs, not your dad. I know your Dad is pretty cool, but he’s not jet pack cool. You know what happens to Jet Packs when a Dad gets ahold of one.
I mean really what the fuck is that? Not a Jet Pack.
Now what did we all learn?
If you want to get laid…Jet Pack.
If you want to be a superhero…Jet Pack
If you don’t want to crash your parachute into Don King…Jet Pack.
I think thats enough…
Awesome song of the day # 7.