Nature Awesomeness: Lightning!

YES… LIGHTNING KICKS ASS!

Stop your grumbling.  I can hear it from here.  You’re saying, “Lighting, How is that Awesome, I mean its violent, unexpected, made of electricity, burns holes in trees and can blow your socks off… literally …” See you convinced yourself.  Let me give you a second to retract your doubt.  BEHOLD! 

 

Lighting must hate the ocean! Hope nobody is swimming right there.

 

 

So lighting is pretty scientific, not so much over the heads of our readers;  more just over the heads of our writers.  In a nut shell stuff happens in the sky that causes electricity to destroy stuff after thunder.  That’s actually the Scientific America explanation of how lighting strikes… don’t judge me (Scientific America they are the idiots).  In fact the exact cause of lighting isn’t even known today.  There are a lot of rumors and hearsay but not one scientific rule.  Just like how chocolate is made or how the sun sets without burning the earth (I mean they touch!).  The fact that something happens and we humans can’t figure it out is badass right there.

What happens when lighting hits something.  Explosions, searing pain, bursting flames and glass.  Don’t laugh! It’s true … if lighting hits sand it can turn the silica into glass!  WOW!  I mean I didn’t want my sand box to become a window… fuck you lighting… but that is amazing none the less.  

What happens to humans?????? Your shoes can blow off your feet.  Your teeth can explode! YOU CAN DIE!  But it usually just looks comical like this guy.

 

WOOOOOW thats hot!

Lighting is like Nature’s bouncers.  People will always hang out side during rain, snow or wind, but the second lighting hits… even 10 miles away.  Sirens go off and the pool party is over.  Lighting is a party pooper though.  Its just jealous that it can’t swim…every time it tries it ends up killing everything in the pool and that makes lighting sad.  Which in turn makes it angry.  If it can’t attend a pool party … neither can you.

Lesson:  Getting hit by lighting is funny.  According to Google Images.

Lighting hates pool  parties.

Class over.

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Awesome song of the Day #19

COMPLETELY USELESS AWESOMENESS: LAMBORGHINI DOORS!

Doors opening out is so impractical and frankly lame.  I mean you have smaller spots closer to the front door you could be parking at and the whole door opening thing ruins that.  Plus you accidently open your car door into the car next to you and then its a mess with paint missing and fisticuffs when that person finds out.  The simple and logical answer: doors that open up.  Just like in the future…but today…

 

This picture is a liar... a Lambo has never once been off a paved road.

I don’t know why all cars don’t incorporate the Lambo door.  I mean its useless and has no real value other than it looks fucking awesome.  There are certain things that just look awesome and thats its only job.  Sharks teeth on fighter planes, designs on goalie masks in hockey, grizzly bears and doors that open up.  Only important people exit a car under the doors.  GM, FORD and Dodge wouldn’t be going out of business if they just discontinued bullshit regular doors that open out and waste so much time and space.  Would you care your driving a Chevy Impala if the doors opened up? Dumb question … of course not.

Though somebody … cough cough…Mr. Delorean, did somehow fuck up this genius design by trying to appease everybody. Classic door opens out people and the hip new age people from the future who want their doors to open up.  So he had a door that opened out and up … which not only caused alot of head bumping, but you still opened the car door into the car next to you.  Lose Lose Lose.

 

At least it could time travel.

But not all is lost.  Somehow even cars that look dumb as shit get saved by an easy addition of Lambo doors. 

 

You don't even notice how dumb looking a stretch 300 is....all I see is the sexiest doors ever.

I am trying to incorporate Lambo doors on my house.  Front door that opens up.  Genius.  Thanks Italy, you finally did something I like…well 2 things.  Pasta kinda rules too.

Open your doors up… you know you want to.

OUT.

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Awesome Song of The Day #18

WEAPON AWESOMENESS: SNIPER RIFLES!

You know that guy who is always shooting at you while you fill up with gas or go jogging or make a sandwich?  But you never know where he is!!!! You’re always like, what the crap!  Where are all these bullet holes around me coming from?  Well, he has a sniper rifle.  He is apparently a terrible shot too.  But you’ll never see him.  He is probably 10 miles away.  Or on a mountain top.

 

Cutest... and Deadliest Sniper Ever! MEOW MUTHA FUCKA YOU DEAD!

So sniper rifles were invented by a genius.  He said …”war kinda blows” (direct quote)… getting shot while trying to shoot other people kinda sucks.  Why don’t I sit in some watch tower somewhere and just cap people? Wow… why didn’t people think of that earlier.  The only thing more efficient than that is Robocop.  So they are smart and efficient not to mention they are usually awesome looking.  The bullets are usually really huge to.  How big…let me think…Like the size of a fist.  It’s like getting punched in the face by a gun.  But your head is then missing, and bleeding alot. I mean like everywhere.

People think snipers are all business.  Can’t have any fun or sense of humors.  Not true.  They will play tic tac toe with each other on a wall a mile away.  Or make some poor guy dance who is across the street and has no idea what is going on.  Or they just want to make themselves giggle every time the blow somebody’s dome to pieces. 

 

Mustaches and face explosions go hand in hand....

Movies love snipers.  Bill Paxton from Navy Seals.  Aka “GOD”.  The dude from Saving Private Ryan, who unfortunately gets killed by a tank.  Which is an obvious mismatch.  That debacle that is Enemy at the Gates.  Jude Law playing a bad ass?  Right and I’m going to play Jude Law in, Perfect: The Jude Law Story…  And Billy Z and Tom B in Sniper.  

 

I am a Sniper and apparently a Gay Cowboy.

So Class is dismissed.  Your test is next week. 

Study Guide.  

Kill something far away? Sniper Rifle. 

Impress Billy Zane? Sniper Rifle.

That is all

 

OUT!

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Awesome song of the Day # 17

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