BACK TO WORK AWESOMENESS: WHAT THE CRAP HAVE I BEEN DOING?

So the last 3 months to 27 years I have been pretty lazy.  Blogs here, blogs there, drunken coke parties in charlie sheen’s closet. You know the usual. But a lot of people have asked what have you been doing with your free time you can’t always be locked naked in movies stars closets.  You’re right, I have other hobbies, passions if you will.  I am very passionate about stuff.

I like to wake up to a nice warm cup of bacon grease.  You make 28 strips of bacon.  You throw away all the bacon, cause it is bad for your heart silly!, you then take all the grease and gently rub it all over your chest.  It burns like shit but it definitely is better than shaving my chest every day.

Then after the screaming is over I have to go to my neighbors house and convince them that nobody died over here.  I have the hairless chest to prove it.

Next I do some science.  Lots and lots of science.

Beakers and algarithms. Solving Science one Beaker at a time.

I end the day playing a game of space basketball with Karl Malone.

KARL - "SPACE DUNK CONTEST, UP IN SPACE, ABOVE US, WHERE SPACE IS!" ME - "KARL I KNOW WHERE SPACE IS... WE PLAY THERE EVERYDAY YOU CAN STOP POINTING UP....JEESSSHHH!"

It isn’t really fair anymore since Karl loves space, he knows his way around the celestial bodies, he is amazing at basketball believe it or not, there is no gravity so that dude can jump like super high…like SUPER HIGH.  Now he uses SHAPE UPS! It is totally unfair! You should see his thighs. Actually, when it was announced that Shape Ups were going to use Karl Malone, their stock went up 10,000% (not an actual stock tip, so don’t get to stealing my ideas, I am looking at you Jim Cramer)  This is because I went out and bought 4 million pairs.  I want tight buns too.  Those are not just reserved for Karl Malone.

That is my usual day.  Sometimes, I nap.  Sometimes I don’t.  You know big things.

But life can’t always just be fun and games.  Time to get back to some serious topics, like space Malones.

Bye

I’ve missed you.

See you soon.

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #136

Ambulance LTD

ANECDOTE

CLASSIC!

great band hamstrung by legal trouble and band fighting.  Probably never hear new ambulance LTD music.  Shame.  At least we have beiber.

THE WORLD IS FUCKED… AND SUNCHIPS ARE GROSS.

I get most of my important news from what is trending on Yahoo.  Which is “news” that happened early this week and the 9 people who still use yahoo are just getting around to hearing about.  But SunChips? Why the shit would that trend… and seriously, who eats SunChips?  I am pretty sure if you baked a turd and sprinkled it with cheddar you would have something that tastes better than SunChips.  I mean, to each their own, but I am not into turds.  Well, I have to qualify that statement, turds are hilarious.  In case you are not familiar with SunChips they did this huge ad campaign ( I have no idea how they can afford that either, you have to sell product to advertise.)  With a decomposing bag!

It shows the bag and it disappears.  It decomposes because it is made with plants! My brain doesn’t understand that, but sweet!

But ohhh wait, Americans are complaining about something… Big fucking surprise.

http://detnews.com/article/20101005/BIZ/10050396/1001/rss21

Ohh wait reality check we are Americans and we hate the environment.  But we love our noise free chip eating.  The bags make to much noise? Are you shitting me?  You know what else makes tons of noise while I try and eat chips?

Those aren’t discontinued.

This is the smallest change and we can’t live with it.  Windmills are too ugly and ruin the skyline?  You know what ruins the skyline?

Yea much better than clean air.

People, the point is that if we can’t make a few sacrifices we are gonna F this planet in the A faster than you can bake a turd with cheddar cheese on it.

I will get off my high horse, because I am part of the problem too, and that horse is stoned out of his brains and needs a rest.

Since your brain probably hurts from reading this, let me soothe it.  And by me I mean kells and by soothe it I mean sex it.

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Awesome Song of the Day #135

R. Kelly – ECHO

The whole song is worth listening to.

Just to review.  Pretty sure he is having free sex with a hooker.  He gave her some present that he has no idea what it is,  “whatever it is put it on,” he is a gracious host, he gives her time to eat something and wash her face (which is funny since we are talking about R Kelly) and he is yoodeling in front of the Swiss Alps.  I am also pretty sure he thinks the Aurora Borealis is in Switzerland. Greatest video ever.